


Mad Love.

by Teardropfires



Series: Give Me a Memory. [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Closeted Character, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 11:42:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8799535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teardropfires/pseuds/Teardropfires
Summary: "So for three years now, they’ve been doing this. This admittedly weird friendship that toed the line into unknown territory more times than he can count. Kurt had always assumed it was one-sided and unrequited.But none of this explains why Sebastian attacked Kurt mid sentence by smashing his face against his."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who made this happen: the KHBB team, my artist [klaineitupanotch](http://klaineitupanotch.tumblr.com) for creating this awesome [fanmix](http://8tracks.com/elfinder/mad-love-fanmix) and the title art below! Also shout out to my pal Megan for being my beta on this.

 

“Ah, and here’s my favorite part,” Kurt says and shakes the newspaper out with a flare. “‘And although the nonlinear structure of the plot will without a doubt confuse even some of the more learned attendees, the performance by Sebastian Smythe -a recent NYADA graduate and off-broadway newcomer- artfully takes the audience on a heartfelt and emotional journey that transcends any holes in the storyline,” Kurt says in an excited rush. He glances up at Sebastian who is looking at him with a mixture of awe and something akin to queasiness, and he sighs and waves him over. He pats the barstool next to him. “Come sit, there’s more!” He says excitedly.

He scans the page looking for the spot he’d read earlier. “Where is it? Where is --ah! Here ‘And it’s performances like these that make me excited to continue to come to the theater. Smythe is definitely a talent to keep an eye on in the future,’” Kurt  finishes.

“I told you I wasn’t being biased when I said _you_ were amazing,” Kurt says as he folds up the paper. “As your best friend and roommate I am completely comfortable with telling you when you suck.”

Kurt laughs a little and looks up at him and sighs. “I’m really proud of you Sebastian, this is huge!” When Sebastian doesn’t move or say anything, Kurt frowns. “What’s the matter with you?”

Sebastian stares at him for a second longer before he strides towards Kurt, in long determined steps, and collides his face against Kurts. _Ow_ , Kurt thinks before he realizes that yes, those _are_ lips pressing against his own. In the few seconds it takes his brain to helpfully produce all the reasons why this is un-fucking-explainable,  Sebastian pulls away. Kurt sees the look of fear in his eyes when he pulls back, a look that slowly turns into confusion, then settles on panic.

“Did you just kiss me?” Kurt asks dumbly, the newspaper he’d been reading slipping from his fingers.

“Fuck,” Sebastian says, his eyes flitting frantically across Kurt’s face.

Kurt wants to reassure him, to tell him that, _no, it’s okay,_ that he wants this too, and _don’t panic it’ll be fine_. But before he can do any of that, Sebastian is heading towards their bedroom door and out into the hallway yelling, “Fuck, don’t move.”

Of course Kurt follows him.

“Sebastian, it’s okay. Listen we can talk about it,” Kurt says and then pauses to listen for him. “Sebastian?”

Sebastian comes out of the bathroom looking annoyed.

“Damn it, Kurt. I said don’t move,” Sebastian says as he walks over to him. He grabs his elbow and guides him onto a barstool. He lifts his head by his chin, and Kurt almost closes his eyes, prepared for another kiss. “You’re gonna get blood everywhere.”

Kurt’s mind abruptly halts. He’s simultaneously confused and worried but doesn't even know where to start.

Sebastian takes that moment to bring a damp towel to Kurt’s face and wipes under his nose, and yep--

“Ow ow ow,” Kurt says. Sebastian hisses and pulls away, towel coming back bloody.

“Fuck, I think I broke your nose,” Sebastian says, a bit too calm for Kurt’s liking because _excuse me._

“What?!” Kurt shouts.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says and reaches back to put the towel under Kurt’s nose. Kurt, who valiantly tries to pull away against Sebastian’s caveman like strength, is easily wrangles into a forceful one arm hold as he continues to wipe at the bloody mess. “Stop moving or it’ll keep bleeding.”

“It’ll keep bleeding because it’s broken. Because you attacked me,” Kurt yells and then adds. “You neanderthal.”

“Kurt,” Sebastian says again, having the nerve to sound exasperated. “It’s probably not _that_ broken.”

Kurt turns to glare at him. Sebastian stares back. And if Kurt were in a better mood right now, he’d acknowledged the forced blankness on Sebastian’s features, a look he hasn’t seen him wear in at least a year. A look Kurt’s worked hard to fade out of existence. But he’s not in a better mood, he’s pissed and in pain and confused. So instead, he snatches the towel, hops off the barstool and storms off into his room.

He makes sure to lock eyes with Sebastian as he slams the door, which admittedly is a bit dramatic.

But in Kurt’s defense, he really did not see this coming. Not that he’s ever been particularly clued in to who’s gay and who’s straight. His gaydar was recalled after the whole Evil Santa incident. Which they do not talk about, thank you very much. But this, this is Sebastian we’re talking about. The same Sebastian who eyed his outfit to the Ohio Governor's banquet with heteronormative distaste the night they met. The same Sebastian who can be seen in numerous pictures standing next to his _very_ conservative family, ever the golden boy for the political dynasty that awaited him. Sebastian, who he has personally seen pick up girls at bars and take them home.

And sure, Kurt has had his fair share of fantasies about this man. It was those fantasy fueled thoughts that made him tap the man on the shoulder when he spotted him in the crowded cafe in New York City months after that first meeting. It was dreams of those eyes crinkling up in a smile that made him invite him over for dinner with his roommates. It was the quick-wit that often came out as an insult that made him invite Sebastian out for drinks with his friends. It was his rare, carefree laugh that made Kurt keep asking and pushing and listening very chance he got until they were friends. It was the soft look he gave Kurt whenever Kurt opened up about his own issues and heartaches that made him want to never stop giving himself over to Sebastian.

On the outside, Kurt and Sebastian didn’t make sense as friends. Sometimes it even took Kurt by surprise, the ease in which he and Sebastian got along. To an outsider, it was a bizarre mix of insult fueled spats, fights over long and exhaustive political debates, and an alarming amount of cuddling that, of course, is  “no homo”, and as Sebastian would so eloquently shout before clinging to Kurt’s side for dear life.

And yes, okay, Sebastian was there for Kurt after Blaine and Adam and Hot Santa Cody. He let him cry, and rage, and vent, and veg-out far longer than any of his other friends did. He was there through his Dad’s cancer scare, and Finn, and the spiral of grief that came along with that. And _fine_ , Kurt was there for Sebastian when his parents cut him off when he decided to change his major from humanities, gearing up for his pre-planned career as a lawyer, to theater, after Kurt tricked (although he prefers to call it ‘gently guided’) him into auditioning for a community theater role, which Sebastian loved by the way. He helped him get a scholarship to NYADA, and helped him pack up his dorm at Columbia, and bribed Santana and Rachel into letting Sebastian stay with them - god bless Isabelle for turning a blind eye to their names being added to every Vogue.com private party. And then Kurt let them have the bigger room of the two-bedroom apartment they had to move into when four people sharing a studio became a bit ridiculous. Alas, Kurt was there when the two seats Sebastian had reserved for his parents remained empty during their graduation last year.

So for three years now, they’ve been doing this. This admittedly weird friendship that toed the line into unknown territory more times than he can count. Kurt had always assumed it was one-sided and unrequited.

But none of this explains why Sebastian attacked Kurt mid sentence by smashing his face against his.  

Kurt wallows in pain and annoyance for a while, his mind replaying the events of the past hour, and tries to think about what it all could possibly mean. He’s confused, for sure, but he won’t lie and say part of him isn’t a little hopeful.

With every ounce of courage Kurt can muster, he pulls himself away from his bed  and heads towards his bedroom door. He pauses, moving the towel to check if his nose has stopped bleeding, before he places his hand on the knob. He holds it there, steeling himself for this conversation he’s about to have. Wants to have. N _eeds_ to have.

He pulls the door open and steps out into the empty room.

“Sebastian?” He calls out, then waits. When he gets no response he walks towards the bathroom and peaks inside. Nothing. He walks across the living room towards Rachel and Santana’s room but doesn’t find him there either.

Kurt slowly walks back into the living room and looks around. He wraps his arms around his middle, self-consciously, as realization that Sebastian has left the apartment starts to sink in. He suddenly feels very lonely.

*

Turns out his nose is not broken, just as Rachel predicted when she’d seen him later that day, but he does have a nasty bruise. A bruise that he gingerly sets a bag of frozen peas on as he glares up at the ceiling.

“Do I need to go Lima Heights on Smythe?” Santana asks, appearing out of nowhere.

“Jesus,” Kurt says, heart racing uncomfortably as he shoots up to a sitting position, bag of peas sliding ungracefully off his face. Santana ignores him and just moves to stand in front of him.

“Spill Bummel, what happen to your snot cave?”

Kurt just glares at her.

“Fine. I’ll guess,” Santana says, crossing her arms. “ You couldn't keep the lady boner you’ve been harboring for that ‘pray-the-gay-away Stepford-son’ for years in your pants any longer and tried to jump his bones.”

“What?” Kurt squawks.

“And,” Santana continues on, ignoring him. “He punched you in the face for it.”

“Santana no,” Kurt says, sighing heavily, already over this conversation.

“Um, yeah,” Santana says, and snatches the peas out of Kurt’s hands when he goes to put them back to his face. “That’s the only thing that makes sense. Rachel agrees with me.”

“Woah, no!” Rachel says, coming from her hiding spot. “I don’t think you have a lady boner.”

“Is this some sort of weird intervention,” Kurt says looking skeptically between the two of them.

“Kurt,” Rachel says, taking the seat next to him. She pats his hand softly. “We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“And if we need to find a new roommate.”

“Because it’s okay if Sebastian --”

“Okay guys stop,” Kurt says and stands, pushing away from them. “You guys can’t seriously believe that Sebastian hit me.”

Rachel and Santana exchange looks before Rachel speaks. “Well no, but his excuse--”

“Your resistance band broke and you smacked yourself in the face?”

Kurt rolls his eyes. Of course Sebastian gave them a stupid excuse.

“And the fact that you two are avoiding each other.”

“Yeah the stench of axe has been _real_ scarce the past couple of days.”

“We just can’t help but think something... else happened,” Rachel finishes.

Kurt just stares at them for a long beat before he takes a deep breath. “Okay, let’s get this straight. I did not try to ‘jump anyone’s bones’," he says adding finger quotes for emphasis. “Also, I’m not harboring anything for Sebastian.”

Santana and Rachel exchange a look again and Kurt snaps, “I’m not!”

“Kurt,” Rachel starts, but Kurt cuts her off.

“Plus, Sebastian hasn’t prayed for anything to go away since he had chlamydia last year,” Kurt says. “Trust me.”

“And how do you know he had chlamydia,” Rachel counters.

“Because he’s my roommate,” Kurt says, annoyed. “And my best friend.”

Rachel makes a noise of protest, but Santana beats her to actually responding.

“Look. Okay, fine, neither of us really think Smythe has it in him to hurt you, but come on,” she says and waves a hand towards his face.

Kurt rolls his eyes. “We already told you what happened.”

“Then why are you acting so weird around each other?” Rachel asks. Kurt sighs and reaches for his bag of peas again.

“We’re not," he grumbles as he sinks back into the couch. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm his fraying nerves. If he’s being honest with himself, even if he wanted to tell them what was going on, he wouldn’t even know where to start.

*

Days pass before Kurt sees Sebastian again, which isn’t exactly surprising to Kurt.

“Sure, maul a guy’s face off and then disappear for days. That’s mature,” Kurt grumbles to himself as he aggressively presses the delete key on his computer. It also doesn’t help that his mind magnifies the description of what actually happened the longer Sebastian avoids him and the longer Kurt’s texts go unanswered.  “Typical.”

The bruise on his face is starting to turn a healthy shade of yellow-green, when Sebastian finally stumbles into the apartment at 11 pm on Saturday.  

Kurt looks up from the kitchen table where he’s working on a blog post for work and pauses. Their eyes meet and there’s a long tense, moment of silence. Kurt works hard on biting back the barrage of questions he has for Sebastian. _Where have you been? Why didn’t you call me back? Why did you kiss me and then disappear for almost a week?_

Instead, he just sits back in his chair, crosses his arms and waits. Two can play the silent game.

Sebastian hesitates, looking around the apartment, probably for Santana or Rachel or any other distraction, before coming into the kitchen. As he gets closer, Kurt can tell he’s been drinking. There’s a flush to his skin, and his movements are a little clumsy as he opens and closes cabinet doors, pulling out a mason jar (because he is a wanna be hipster) and a bottle of vodka as he goes. He takes his time at the counter pouring himself a small serving into the jar before slowly screwing the cap back on.

After what feels like ages later, Sebastian walks over and takes a seat across from Kurt.

The silence teeters like a stack of bricks piled too high, and Kurt can’t take it anymore.

“Where have you been?”

Sebastian runs a finger along the rim of the glass and shrugs. “Stayed at Kara’s for a few days.”

Kurt nods, tearing his eyes away to look back down at his screen. “Right, I’m sure you had fun then.”

“Sure,” Sebastian says dully, “Kara’s always… fun. I guess.”

“Well, you’ve been sleeping with her for years now.  So, I’d hope so,” Kurt says, not bothering to remove the disdain in his voice.

Sebastian doesn’t say anything. He just stares down at the glass in front of him. As the silence drags on, Kurt forces himself to looks away and down to his computer. He loses track of how many times he reads the same sentence before Sebastian speaks up.

“Sorry about your face,” Sebastian says, finally. He takes a sip of his drink and Kurt can see the small smile playing at his lips. Kurt’s never wanted to smother him more than he does in this moment.

“You think it’s funny?” Kurt asks, incredulous.

Sebastian breaks into a brilliant smile and huffs out a bark of laughter before he nods. “Yeah, a little.”

Kurt scoffs, annoyed. No, he’s pissed. He rolls his eyes and starts to stand up. He closes his laptop with a bit more force than strictly necessary. “I’m glad my pain, physical and emotional, I might add, can be a source of your enjoyment.”

“Hey, hey,” Sebastian says and reaches over, grabbing Kurt’s wrist as he’s about to walk away. “I’m sorry. Truly. Just.” He pauses and pulls back his hand. “Just sit down a sec and let me explain.”

Kurt turns to walk away anyway. “I don’t have time for this Sebastian. Whatever joke you’re playing at, leave me out of it.”

“It’s not a joke, Kurt. Please,” Sebastian says.

Kurt stops. He turns to look at Sebastian. His heart beats uncomfortably at the raw emotion on Sebastian’s face. Sebastian looks away and takes another sip of vodka. Kurt watches him take a deep breath before he stands and begins to walk towards Kurt. There’s an intense look in his eyes that instinctively makes Kurt take a few steps back, forcing him against the counter. Sebastian takes advantage of that and rests his hands on the counter, bracketing Kurt in between his arms.

“It wasn’t a joke," he says a bit calmer this time. His eyes trailing down to Kurt’s lips. And Kurt’s heart jolts.

“So you meant to bash my face in,” Kurt says, going for deadpan, but it comes out breathy and hesitant.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Don’t be dramatic, Kurt. You know what I meant?”

Kurt stands up straighter and crosses his arms, putting him flush against Sebastian’s chest. He’ll pretend like he can’t feel the unsteady rhythm of Sebastian’s heart beating against his arm because this is clearly all in his head. 

“Do I, Sebastian?”  Kurt challenges, “because from over here, all I know is that my straight roommate almost broke my nose and then avoided me for a week to go screw his girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Sebastian says, his eyes trailing down to Kurt’s lips before he adds, “and maybe not _that_ straight.”

Which is all the warning he has before Sebastian leans in to press his lips against Kurt’s. And Kurt knows he’ll regret this later, like full on panic attack inducing, what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking regret. But in this moment he can’t think of anything he’d rather do than wrap his arm around Sebastian’s neck and melt into him. So he does.

Sebastian’s hands move down to his thighs, and there’s a brief moment where the kiss breaks while Sebastian dips his hands even lower and Kurt is suddenly being lifted onto the counter. On instinct he wraps his legs around Sebastian, pulling him in closer as their lips connect once more. Sebastian's lips part, and he feels the first swipe of tongue against his lips and he moans as he deepens the kiss. Spurred on by his enthusiasm, Sebastian grabs Kurt by the hips and slides him towards the edge of the counter so their lower bodies connect, grinding his erection against him.

Kurt pulls back, head tilting as he moans, and Sebastian takes the opportunity to kiss along his neck, pulling more gasps and moans with every touch.

“Don’t -- marks,” Kurt tries, but he has to grab onto him tighter as Sebastian’s hips start to move faster against Kurt. Kurt closes his eyes, letting the sensation of pleasure wash over him and tries not to think to hard about the fact that he’s twenty-fucking-two and about to come in his pants like a teenager.

Sebastian laughs, breathy and hitching slightly, and kisses him again.

“It’s okay. That makes two of us.” He says against Kurt’s lips. _Oh great_ , Kurt thinks, _I said that out loud_. This man will be the end of him if he can already hardly think and his dick hasn’t even been touched.

Sebastian grabs Kurt’s hips harder and grinds faster, pulling him flush against him as he plants open mouth kisses along his jaw and down his neck. Kurt’s moans loudly as sebastian sucks lightly at his skin. Kurt can’t even bring himself to comment about marks this time, as it all becomes too much. His hips buck against Sebastian and he closes his eyes tight as he comes, a shameless groan spilling from his mouth because _finally._

His brain goes into a mushy post-orgasm haze and he enjoys the lingering jolts of pleasure as Sebastian continues to grind against him.  He barely recognizes that Sebastian is saying something, nonsensical words of encouragement, as he get’s closer to his own orgasm. Kurt doesn’t really listen. He just leans in and captures Sebastian’s lips in another kiss. As he pulls back, he bites down on Sebastian’s lips and tugs it softly with his teeth. Sebastian groans loudly and his hips stutter.

“Fuck," he moans and buries his face against Kurt’s chest. They stand there for a long time, breathing heavily, trying to calm down from the moment.

As the fog in Kurt’s brain starts to clear, his mind helpfully reminds him of Sebastian’s earlier comment. His heart rate picks up again as his mind loops : _Not that straight Not that straight Not that straight._

“And what does that even mean?” Kurt says, thinking out loud. Sebastian pulls back slowly, giving him a confused look that slowly turns into a soft smile.

“What?” Sebastian asks quietly.

Kurt struggles for a second because it’s such an endearing moment, and he lets himself get lost for a minute. He runs his hands through Sebastian’s hair and can’t help the smile that forms when Sebastian leans into his touch and closes his eyes briefly before looking up at Kurt again.

“What have we done?” Kurt asks again, a little softer this time as the panic settles into a manageable ball of unease in his stomach. Sebastian exhales and then shrugs.

“We’ll figure it out I guess," he says and leans in to kiss him again, effectively quieting the raging boil of questions in Kurt’s mind.

*

Apparently, “figuring it out” includes a lot of making out.  Which Kurt’s not exactly complaining about. In fact, he finds himself getting more and more turned on by being crowded up against counters and dressers and bathroom sinks. More times than not they fall asleep snuggled against each other in one of their crammed beds instead of sleeping separately.

They don’t do anything in front of anyone, obviously. To the rest of the world Sebastian is straight, and he seems content on keeping it that way. And after an initial, chaotic few weeks that have Kurt more confused and horny than he’s ever been before, things finally get back to normal. Well as normal as it can be when he’s trying to navigate a secret relationship. He mostly gets the hang of it, tending to distance himself from Sebastian when they go out to bars or have hangouts at the apartment.  Because even though his head knows they have to be chill, his dick is not with the program. He’s not sure his heart is either.

It also doesn’t help that the first time he slipped up, Sebastian reacted poorly. He’d let his hand  linger a little too long in Sebastian’s hair, meant to be a playful tussle in front of everyone. Sebastian jerked away suddenly and shot him the most scathing glare he’d been on the receiving end of since the early days of their friendship.  Kurt had laughed it off, red-faced, when Sebastian made a teasing remark about it, secretly cursing himself because he was so sure he’d messed this up for good.

That was until Sebastian got him off against their bedroom door later that night.

Logically, he knows he should put a stop to … _whatever_ it is that he and Sebastian are doing. And every time he tells himself that he’s going to stop, that he and Sebastian are going to talk and not just make out, all the blood rushes to his crotch and demands all of his attention. Attention that Sebastian is most willing to give.

So this cycle continues, far longer than it should, until Kurt doesn’t even try anymore. Until he’s content with this thing they have, until he convinces himself it’s not important to have it all figured out right now. He’s happy. Sebastian’s happy. No one’s getting hurt. What’s the big deal?

*

Turns out the big deal is that Kurt is, overall, not good at hiding his feelings for Sebastian.

Shocker.

On the last night of Sebastian’s stint in his play, which lasted an impressive six months, Kurt decides to throw him a party to celebrate. A party that’s meant to be small and quaint that somehow turns into a low-grade rager by the time Santana’s done overruling all of his decisions.

Which is fine since Sebastian seems to be enjoying himself. It’s for the best, really. He’s been getting curious looks from Santana a lot lately when he and Sebastian hang out, and he’s not really in the mood for her comments. He’s still low-key pissed she hijacked his party. Not to mention he’s seen Kara a few times, and he’d like to avoid seeing what the night holds for her and Sebastian if he can help it.

Kurt thinks he’s doing pretty well too, all things considered. He’s roped into a game with Jesse and Rachel and Santana and her girlfriend Elaine -- he may or may not have  been operating on a small bout of relationship envy for the past few months now watching the two couples, not the point.  He’s feeling pretty solid about the night until he catches Sebastian in the corner of his eye and freezes as he turns to look at him.

His brain shorts for a second before he turns quickly to Jesse and says “Um, hey. Let me go find that tie I borrowed from you awhile ago.”  

Jesse gives him a confused look, but Kurt doesn’t stay to hear Jesse’s response. He just sits down his drink and backs away from the group. He doesn’t miss the look of confusion that crosses over Santana’s face, or the look she throws over her shoulder towards the group in the corner. The group that contains Sebastian Smythe, tonight’s honored guest, wrapped around a leggy red-head.

As Kurt turns to leave he can’t help but follow Santana’s gaze and feels his face heat with embarrassment. Luckily he has half a bottle of champagne to blame the flush on. He’ll also blame the alcohol for his inability to keep his shit together in front of his friends. This night is not about him. It’s about Sebastian and the great job he’s done, and if he can just get to his room without anyone stopping him he’ll be okay.

“God,” Kurt breathes out in a rush as he opens and closes the door quickly, muting the voices of the house guests.

The room is dark, sans for the soft light filtering through the window from the emergency lights on the fire escape. Kurt leans his flushed cheek against the cool side of the door as he takes a deep, calming breath. He lets the silence wash over him. It’s been a long day of planning and calling and confirming and fighting with Santana and surprising idiots who are wrapped around leggy redheads...He’s tired.  Tired and very happy for this rare moment of solitude.

Rare and short lived because seconds later the door knob clicks and he feels the push of wood against his face. Kurt hurries away from the door as it swings open, spilling light into the room.

In his haste, trying to avoid a broken nose, he stumbles over a shoe left in the middle of the floor --because of course, he lives with animals-- and falls backwards in a haze of flailing limbs.

A hand grabs onto him at his elbow and _yanks_ . Which _ow,_ Kurt thinks, as he’s effectively brought back to the land of the vertical.

“Shit, Bambi. What’s your damage now?” Santana says.

And Kurt doesn’t answer. He’s momentarily dizzy from all the movement. He starts to hear Artie in his head singing “blame it on the alcohol” and can’t help the bubble of laughter that escapes him as he leans forward, his head landing on her shoulder.  

Santana pushes at his shoulder and stares at him with a curious gaze. Kurt braces himself for some tirade about how stupid he’s being, and how he needs to get his drunk ass back out there and stop being a weird loser or something equally rude.

Instead, Santana just stares at him a bit longer, eyes unwavering, before she turns and leaves without saying anything else and closes the door shut behind her.

He huffs out a sigh of relief  and then takes a long deep breath. He’s focusing on staying calm, and on breathing, and on taming the bile of jealousy rising in his throat, when the door flies open again, making him squint as light floods the room again.

Kurt can see the concerned look on Sebastian’s face before he quickly closes the door behind him, darkening the room once more. “You okay?” He asks quietly.

Kurt doesn’t say anything at first, but his heart picks up tempo as Sebastian reaches behind him to lock the door. “Santana said you were feeling sick.”

Kurt shakes his head and clears his throat. “Umm, no. It was just a little warm out there,” Kurt says and turns towards the dresser that divides their beds.  

“Oh,” Sebastian says as Kurt reaches to turn on the lamp at the corner of his room. He’s just touched the plastic switch when Sebastian’s hand wraps around his wrist and pins it to the top of the dresser. Seconds later the front of his body is pressed hard against the dresser. “Well, that doesn’t explain why you’ve been avoiding me,” Sebastian says softly against his neck.

Kurt’s body flushes hot, and lets out a small gasps when Sebastian presses in closer behind him, his erection making itself known against Kurt’s ass. And he kinda hates himself for being this easy for him, for wanting to push back harder into Sebastian. But when Sebastian mouths at his neck and presses him even harder against the dresser, his other hand reaching to capture Kurt’s hand, the slow swell of arousal he normally feels when he’s around Sebastian hikes up intensely and he can feel his bulge straining in his own jeans. He lets his head loll forward as Sebastian slowly grinds against him.

“Sebas-”, Kurt tries, words dying out in a breathy moan. He feels like he’s drowning all off a sudden and all he want is Sebastian’s hands _on_ him.

“Every time I came your way,” Sebastian says, one of his hands moving from Kurt’s on the dresser down to the front of Kurt’s jeans and rubs at his erection. Like he can read his mind. “You just avoided me. And on my big night too.”

Painfully aroused or not, Kurt can’t help but roll his eyes at that. He catches Sebastian’s eyes in the mirror and finds him smirking back. Getting some of the grip on reality back to him, Kurt sighs, leaning back into Sebastian so his head rest on his shoulder before he says, “You seemed to have enough fans tonight.”

Sebastian leers, and Kurt’s heartbeat doubles.

“You know,” Sebastian says as he undoes the button on Kurt’s jeans. “Jealousy looks good on you.”

Sebastian turns to spit in his hand. And Kurt wants to scream because _gross, no, don’t you dare_ but also _yes, god please, just touch me._

“I’m not -- oh my god.” Kurt’s annoyed retort is cut short as Sebastian wraps a hand around him.

“Did you see that red head all over me?” Sebastian asks as he slowly jerks Kurt off, grinding against him in time.

“Sh-- shut up.”

“Nope,” Sebastian says and then plants a kiss on his neck. His breath hitches in Kurt’s ear as he grinds against him. “Guess what she said to me.”

“Sebastian,” Kurt whines, hips bucking into Sebastian’s grip.

“Uh uh,” Sebastian says, breath hot against Kurt’s neck as he grinds faster.  “Want me to tell you?”

Kurt doesn’t answer, because he doesn’t care, he doesn’t. He cares about the hand on his dick and not getting semen on this vintage dresser. He cares about Sebastian’s breath coming in hot, fast pants at the side of his neck, and he cares that his heart’s trying to escape from his goddamn chest at the sight of it.

“Come on, babe,”  Sebastian practically purrs in Kurt’s ear and he realizes that he cares about the look in Sebastian’s eyes as he watches Kurt fall apart in his arms. And suddenly Kurt’s stricken by how every time with Sebastian feels like the first time. By how he simultaneously wants him to stop touching him but also never let him go, and how he wants him to break him down but be there to put him back together. It’s this insane rush of images, and _feelings_ , that push Kurt over the edge. He spills over Sebastian’s hand and groans, leaning forward on the dresser again, and his body moves in jerky movements as Sebastian speeds up behind him.

“Look at me,” Sebastian breathes out in a rush, almost pleadingly. Kurt can’t really muster enough energy to look over his shoulder, but he lifts up far enough on his elbows that their eyes lock in the mirror. The dim light softens the thin sheen of sweat on Sebastian’s brow and he let’s his eyes roam down to Sebastian’s parted lips, his breath coming out in stuttered burst. This, Kurt thinks dazedly, is his favorite Sebastian; unguarded, undone, and unafraid to be all his. The thought makes him smile and push back against him as Sebastian grinds.

“Oh fu-- Kurt.” Sebastian starts, his hips buck against him a few more times before he stops and leans heavily on top of Kurt’s back, pressing him firmly against the dresser once more.

They stand there breathing frantically against each other. Kurt’s sex addled mine tells him it’s a good idea to turn his hand over and lace his fingers with Sebastian’s still on top of his.  There’s a sweet few seconds when Sebastian let’s his thumb lightly trace against Kurt’s hand, before a loud noise from the party brings them back to reality and Sebastian eases off a little.  Kurt can practically feel his shields come back up.

“That was fun,” Sebastian says, voice deep and gravelly. Kurt scoffs and leans back. Sebastian gets the hint and steps back as Kurt pulls open the second drawer, hating himself for knowing just where to look. He pulls out a pair of briefs and turns, eyeing Sebastian as he strips out of his jeans and ruined boxers.

“More like,” Kurt pauses, makes a show of checking his watch. “That was fast.”

“Oh fuck you,” Sebastian says grabbing the briefs from him. He bends over to put them on but doesn’t break eye contact with Kurt. “ I am when I need to be.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and moves to button up his pants. He turns away from Sebastian once more. “Of course, a little quicky before you head back to your party.”

“Technically you threw the party. I was prepared to just go and get drunk with the rest of the cast  tonight,” Sebastian says, laughter evident in his voice. Kurt just sighs.

“Hey,” Sebastian’s says tone shifting to something much softer. He wraps his arms around Kurt’s waist and pulls him close. “What’s up?”

“What?” Kurt asks, a little distracted by what might be jizz on his shirt. Sebastian nudges him to turn around towards him and when Kurt looks up he’s distracted for a totally different reason.  There’s a surprising look of sincerity on Sebastian’s face.

“Are you okay?” He asks. And Kurt can only nod.  Sebastian smiles then before he cups Kurt’s face in his hands and brings him in for a gentle kiss. And it’s a testament to how crazy he is about this man that he doesn’t immediately balk at the fact that one of these hands was stained with him less than thirty seconds ago.

More shocking than that is the fact that they’re kissing at all. Not that kiss is something they don’t do. Quite the opposite, most of their time at the start was just a bunch of heated make out sessions that ended with them rubbing off against each other. 

But this, this kiss that hedges on being tender, has Kurt’s a little shocked. He’s used to messy kisses that leads to a quick grope here, a blowjob there, and when they’re really phoning in the denial of what’s happening between them, kissing that leads them to a drunk/tangle/naked mess on the floor of their bedroom.

Sebastian smiles brilliantly, clearly oblivious to the new onslaught of questions he’s just threw into Kurt’s mind, and walks away redoing the buttons on his jeans. He reaches over to turn on the light, and for a second they both squint at the brightness. He holds his arms up and does a little spin around.  “How do I look?”

“Nothing like a guy who just came in his pants, “ Kurt says. Sebastian laughs. “What about me?”

Sebastian looks down his body slowly and Kurt can’t even be bother to get embarrassed by the heat rising to his skin. “Like someone I just wrecked, “ He says and winks at Kurt.

  
Kurt rolls his eyes and turns back to the dresser as Sebastian turns towards the door. He hears the door unlock, open and then close quickly. In the silence that follows, Kurt looks at his reflection in the mirror and tries not to think about how right Sebastian is. Thanks to him, he is  completely and totally wrecked.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“So, how long have you and Smythe been screwing,” Santana asks Kurt as she walks into the kitchen the next morning. Kurt swears under his breath because of course she knows. He shouldn’t be surprised, She’s probably been on to them for a while now.  And really, it was only a matter of time before one of his roommates found out about them. In fact, he’s lucky it didn’t happen by one of them barging in on them mid-blow job.

He puts his head in his hands and massages his temple, the low throbbing ache he’s been nursing all morning ramping up into a full blown migraine. “What gave it away?”

“I had my suspicions,” She says and reaches over to swipe his cup of coffee. She takes a sip and makes a face before sitting it back in front of him. “But last night when I sent him in to go check on you, he came back to the party with the most blissed out look on his face. So then I knew it was either sex or some kind of party drug, which isn’t his usual MO.” 

Kurt doesn’t say anything. Instead, he picks up his coffee mug and examines the intricate designs on it that he hasn’t noticed before. After a long moment of silence he looks up hoping that the quiet indicates she lost interest. But of course Santana calmly stirs a spoon into a mug of her own coffee. She smiles faux innocently. “I’ll wait.” 

Kurt rolls his eyes and sighs. “Might as well get this over with. It started a few months ago.”

“A few as in…”

“Since the nose incident,” Kurt grumbles.

Santana slams down her cup of coffee she’d been about to drink. “That was six months ago.”

Kurt just shrugs and drinks some of his coffee.

“So I was right,” She says, looking at him suspiciously. “Sebastian freaked out on you when you made your move.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Still no.”

“Damn, that would have been more interesting,” She says and picks up her mug of coffee.

“How would you know? You don’t know what actually happened!” 

“Yeah, save it,” She says and points at him and then at his bedroom door where Sebastian is. “I don’t know what you think is going on between the two of you, but you’re gonna get hurt. He’s clearly messed you up enough already you can’t even make a pot of coffee anymore.”

“Santana you just don’t understand,” Kurt says with a bravado stronger than he actually feels. He takes another sip of his coffee and tries not to grimace. He really hates it when Santana is right. 

“No, I don’t,” She says. “Because I don’t date closeted idiots who actively campaign against my rights.” 

“When are you going to realize that Sebastian is not his parents?” Kurt says.

“Whenever they invent technology to erase the memory of me watching him on TV nodding in agreement next to those homophobic dinosaurs he calls parents,” Santana says and Kurt opens his mouth to retort, but Santana interrupts him. “Look, whatever. The point is you’re smarter than this. So act like it.” 

Kurt doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t know what to say. Part of him wants to tell Santana to ‘shove off’ because  _ what does she know? _ The other part of him really hates her for being right. Either way he’s sick of talking to her. Luckily he’s saved having to by his bedroom door swinging open, exposing a sleep rumpled Sebastian. 

The shear grogginess radiating off of Sebastian when he stumbles sleepily into the kitchen amuses him, and Kurt can’t help but smile at him as he walks past him. Sebastian doesn’t smile back, he just offers him a gruff ‘morning’, and for the second time this morning Kurt’s coffee is stolen away from him. Sebastian grimaces, looking down at the cup of coffee like it’s offended him, and walks to the sink and pours it out.  

“I was drinking that,” Kurt says, he doesn’t have the energy to put any real heat behind it. It doesn’t matter because Sebastian ignores him anyway.

Santana shoots him a raised eyebrow his way before she turns to Sebastian and smirks. “So you have fun last night Smythe? I lost track of you after you went to check on Bambi.”

“I really hate that nickname,” Kurt says, one because it’s true, and two because he notices the way that Sebastian’s shoulders tense. 

“Well, I’m sure Miss. Pillsbury hated getting puke on her shoes,” Santana says not looking away from Sebastian, who’s phone buzzes in his pocket.  “Where did you go?”

Sebastian pulls his phone out of the pockets of his sweats and frowns down at the screen. “I had to make sure Kurt was okay," he says distractedly.

“Just okay?” Santana quips. “Aw bambi, you can do better.”

“What?” Sebastian says, glancing her way.

“Oh nothing,” Santana says, and smiles as she takes a sip of her coffee. “Just congrats on your play.” Santana gives Kurt a knowing look as she leaves the kitchen. When he looks back to Sebastian he’s staring down at his phone that buzzes again in his hands. 

“What’s going on?” Kurt asks as he watches Sebastian’s frown deepen. There’s a long pause and Sebastian doesn’t answer him again. 

“Sebastian,” Kurt says a little louder. Sebastian snaps his head up to look at him.

“What?” He asks. Kurt points to the phone in his hands. “Oh, It’s my mom. Her and my dad are in town and want to have lunch.”

“Really?” 

He nods and pockets his phone. Kurt watches him as he fidgets around the kitchen. He normally would try to get more out of him, Sebastian has a habit of keeping stuff like this to himself and then explodes on people later, but Kurt doesn’t really have the energy to do that either. 

“Do you want to come with me?” Sebastian asks suddenly. Kurt stares, shocked. He must really be anxious about it because he knows that Kurt and his parents are hardly cordial to each other let alone on lunch date terms. So no, Kurt doesn’t want to go. He thinks about it though, if not but to help get rid of some of the nervous energy coming of Sebastian in waves. But honestly even if he wanted to go he couldn’t. He has an audition today, and as much as he wants to be there for Sebastian, he really wants this role. Plus, there’s a voice in his head that sounds a lot like Santana telling him not to be an idiot. 

“I can’t,” Kurt says.  He immediately hates everything when Sebastian’s hopeful expression fades. “I have an audition. But I can meet up with you after if you want.”

Sebastian nods distractedly, already moving on, “Yeah just text me when you’re done or whatever.” He says and heads out of the kitchen and back to their room. Kurt takes a minute for himself to feel guilty before following behind him. 

Kurt and Sebastian get ready for their respective activities in relative silence. And Sebastian is about to leave when Kurt grabs him by the arm to stop him.

“Hey," he says softly. He searches Sebastian’s face for any signs of distress but only sees the calm blankness that he’s worked years to get rid of. Kurt sighs softly and steps closer to him, lifting one hand to cup his cheek, and leans in to brush his lips against his softly. Sebastian doesn’t respond immediately and Kurt panics internally, thinking he might have misinterpreted the kiss from last night. But before his mind can spiral too far, Sebastian puts a hand over Kurt’s hand and squeezes it tightly. And as he steps away Kurt notices the hint of emotion on his face. “Call me if you need me. I can come and meet you sooner.”

Sebastian nods quickly before he pulls away to turn and leave. “Good luck on your audition.” He says before the door closes behind him.

*

Kurt is distracted the whole time he’s at his audition. His eyes are practically glued to his phone, constantly checking for a messages from Sebastian. He’s so distracted that he almost misses his name being called for his audition. 

“Last call for Kurt E. Hummel.” Kurt snaps his head up and throws his hand up frantically in the air. 

“Me. That’s me," he says, voice sounding an octave higher than normal in his panic. The guy gives him an unimpressed look as Kurt hurries to meet him at the door. He glances down at Kurt’s outfit of loose sweats and a v-neck, and Kurt panics a bit because the email had said to come prepared for singing  _ and _ dancing auditions he thinks, and then points into the dance studio. 

“Well let’s not keep them waiting any longer, sugar," he says, clearly annoyed. Kurt flushes, heart fluttering uncomfortably, and he hurries inside. 

He smiles politely at the auditioners sitting behind the long table, who nod back respectfully. He sits his bag on the floor, stopping briefly to remove the sheet music and a folder full of resumes from it.  He hands the music to the pianist and then turns towards the panel of people to give out his resume but trips on his bag strap and stumbles into the table. 

“Oh god," he says, and watches in horror as a cup of coffee spills onto the lap of the person closest to him.

Kurt, desperately apologetic, attempts to help clean up the mess but the auditioner excuses himself from the room to get cleaned up and doesn't return before Kurt starts. 

Kurt tries to settles his nerves and focuses in on his audition. He’s feeling confident enough has he goes through the first verse and isn’t stop - normally a good sign. He’s just about to get to his favorite part in the song, the part that makes Sebastian laugh every time he sings it because he says it’s funny when Kurt swears in french, and he blanks. Suddenly his mind is full of crinkling eyes, and lips brushing against his cheek, and worried looks at a phone clutched in hands, and a montage of horrific things that could be happening to Sebastian right now, and his mind just -- stops.

“Umm, so sorry.” Kurt says. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. After a few seconds he looks to the pianist. “Can we back up a few bars?” 

The pianist looks to one of the people behind the table who nods their head mutely. Kurt smiles gratefully and waits for the pianist to start up again.  
  


He takes a deep breath and comes in on time. He’s feeling strong, and confident and then ...nothing. His mind blanks again at the same place. Kurt puts a hand to his forehead, trying to think ahead to where he can jump back into the song as the pianist keeps playing. 

Just as he opens his mouth to sing again, someone raises their hand to signal the pianist to stop.

“That’ll be enough. Thank you, Mister,” The man looks down at his resume and writes something on it. “Hummel. We’ll be in touch if we decide to move any further.”

Kurt nods, crimson with embarrassment, and makes quick work of grabbing his bag and leaving. 

Almost immediately as he steps outside he receives a call from Rachel that he ignores. He wants to keep his phone available in case Sebastian calls, but he doesn’t want to ignore her completely so he texts her.

_ Kurt: Just got out. Not holding my breath.  _

The response is immediate. 

_ Rachel: Maybe you did better than you think! _

_ Rachel: I mean as long as you didn’t forget your words or something it should be fine. _

Kurt sighs and sends back a simple “...”. Which is also responded to immediately.

_ Rachel: Oh no! _

_ Rachel: Do you wanna talk? I’m at Jesse’s tonight but I can cancel. _

He smiles, warmed by her concern. 

_ Kurt: No no. I’ll be fine. I’ve got some work to do for Isabelle so I can’t afford to wallow for too long. _

She texts him back a heart emoji. He’s just about to pocket his phone when a text from Sebastian comes through.

_ Sebastian: Hey sorry. You know how weird my Dad is about phones at the table. I’m heading back to the apartment now. See you soon?  _

Kurt hovers over the text keyboard, so many questions running through his head, before he types a quick “ _ sys _ ” and presses send.   
  


*

Kurt makes it to the apartment just as Santana is leaving, closing the door on her way out. She eye’s his outfit and lifts her eyebrow in question. “Audition?”

“Yeah,” Kurt nods and hurries around her, anxious to get inside. “Sebastian back yet?”

“How should I know,” She says and then adds. “I did leave him a gay-for-pay ad on the counter in case he’s interested though. If he’s gonna be pretending might as well get some money out of it.” 

Kurt rolls his eyes and slides open the door, but before he can close it on her she grabs the door and pushes it back open. 

“Judging by the look on your face, and your lackluster enthusiasm to see  _ moi _ ,” she says with a flip of her hair. “I’m guessing the audition was a bust.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Kurt says and walks away, leaving her in the doorway.  

“What happened?” 

Kurt turns to look at her. If he’s being honest, he’s a bit taken aback by the seriousness in her  voice. Kurt sighs, it’s easy to forget that Santana can be a good friend when she wants to be. “It was just really bad. My head was…” He hesitates. “Somewhere else. And I just blew it. ”

Santana’s look of concern hardens before she says, “I guess you’re getting a lot of practice at that lately, huh?”

Kurt‘s brain takes a second to process the dig, his mind admittedly still elsewhere, and he rolls his eyes.

“And for a second I forgot why we don’t have these heart-to-hearts more often,” Kurt says as he walks towards his room. “Kind of requires us both to have one.”

“Yeah,” She calls after him. “ Let me know when yours returns from your dick.”

Kurt slams his door shut and then hears the front one slam seconds later. He fumes, annoyed at Santana and admittedly himself, as he paces around the room. He knows how messed up all of this is, really he does. He’s completely self aware of it. But it’s one thing to know something is wrong and a whole other thing figuring out how to fix it.  If Kurt knew the magic answer on how  he stops Sebastian from getting to him like this without stopping  _ this _ all together. 

“Kurt?” 

Kurt stops pacing, heart beat spiking just at the sound of his voice, “I’m in here.” 

Sebastian walks into the room with a confused look. “What’s up with Santana? She’s acting more volatile than normal. And I don’t speak crazy lesbian.”

Kurt waves off his question with a quick. “How was lunch?”

Sebastian smiles, and Kurt is temporarily distracted because it’s an eye crinkler.

“Kurt," he says on a sigh. “It was amazing.”

And that... was not what he expected. Kurt’s brain doesn’t seem to want to work after that and he just stares at Sebastian. He’s not sure what the look on his face conveys but whatever Sebastian sees there makes him continue. 

“They came to see my show last night,” Sebastian says as he walks over to Kurt’s bed. “And they said that I was really good.” 

“Wow,” Kurt says dully. 

“I know!” Sebastian says unaffected by Kurt’s tone, speaking quickly. “It was so surreal. I was like ‘what happened to my parents?’ But Kurt. I don’t know, they were so…” Sebastian trails off and shakes his head, in awe. “Supportive? It’s so crazy. They even set up a meeting for me with an agent. Apparently he’s really good too. Kinda young I think. I looked him up on my way back and he used to be some kind of actor himself.”

Sebastian reaches in his pocket and pulls out a business card. He extends it out to Kurt who just stares at him for a second. 

“But we’re still represented by NYADA,” Kurt says. He sighs and takes the card when Sebastian starts to wave it around in his face. “Why do you need an agent?”

“We’re not students anymore, so we’re only represented by the school for like six more months or something,” Sebastian says as he toes off his shoes. “It’s probably time we started looking for other representation anyway.”

“But,” Kurt says frowning down at the embossed name. “You’ve gotten a ton of auditions from the school.”

“That I have to fight tooth and nail against a bunch of other NYADA students for,” Sebastian says.

“But,” Kurt starts but is momentarily distracted because Sebastian takes off his shirt and tosses it to the floor. “What... what are you doing?”

Sebastian smirks, hands coming out to wrap around Kurt’s hips and pull him forward. “Celebrating.” 

Sebastian leans forward and noses at Kurt’s crotch. He looks up and smiles, mouthing at the erection making itself known in Kurt’s jeans.  Kurt is blissfully willing for a few seconds. He’s had a long, stressful couple of days and he could use the distraction. He’s about to reach forward to run his hands through Sebastian’s hair when the corner of the card pokes his palm. 

Kurt pulls back, putting a few steps of distance in between them and puts his hands up to stop Sebastian when it looks like he’s going to follow. 

“Just wait a second,” Kurt says, hand still displayed in front of him. “Let’s talk about this.”

He turns around, needing a break from the heated moment,  and takes a deep breath. He flattens the card again and looks down at the name. He can’t help but shake his head. “Sebastian, these are the same people who literally cut you off because you decided you didn’t want to be a lawyer.” 

He turns around and finds Sebastian looking at him curiously. “And you’re just… I don’t know. You’re just going to forgive them like  _ that _ ?” Kurt snaps his finger to add emphasis.

Sebastian frowns. “Kurt they’re my parents.”

“They abandoned you!” Kurt says, voice rising.

Sebastian’s face hardens. “They were trying to teach me a lesson. They knew if they made it easy for me I wouldn’t put my best foot forward, and--”

Kurt cuts him off with a harsh laugh. “I forgot how fucking  _ brainwashed _ you used to be," he says. “Wake up, Sebastian! The only reason they’re doing this is because they think you’re gonna be some broadway bigshot that they can tote around at re-election fundraisers.”

Sebastian looks away, expression unreadable. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kurt feels something inside him crack open and burst into flames. “I don’t kno-- Sebastian I was there while you were at Columbia and saw how miserable you were. I was there when you found out you got the part to your first play.  And I saw how excited you were, genuinely excited for the first time and god knows how long. I was there on your opening night. I’ve been there on every opening night. I was there when they sent their  _ lawyer _ to deliver the news that you were being cut off. I was there when you had to turn in your keys to the dorm office.  I was there to make sure you didn’t drink yourself stupid when they couldn’t be fucking bother to show up to your graduation. I’ve been there! Always. I’m always there when you need me. To help you practice, and at any show you ask me to go to. And fuck,” Kurt says voice rising a bit hysterically, “Now I’m even here when you need to get laid.” 

Kurt tosses the business card from his hand and looks around for his bag. “And today I was there for you. I was so there for  _ you _ , I couldn’t even remember the lines to my audition song," he spots his bag and snatches it up and then grabs his computer off of his bed, carefully avoiding Sebastian. 

He heads for the door and turns to look around. The vision of Sebastian swims in front of him and he realizes he’s been crying. “Because all I could think about is what horrible things you had to be hearing from your parents, but that if … if you were just there to hear me sing your favorite part, you’d be happy.”

Kurt wipes angrily at his tear streaked face and sighs heavily, hesitating in the doorway.  “And how pathetic is that? I’ve been there to build you up from the broken boy they abandoned two years ago. I watched you grow into who _ you  _ wanted to be.” He takes a deep breath and turns to look at Sebastian again who staring back at him with a look of such pain that Kurt wants to immediately take it all back, but he can’t. 

“So yeah," he says, in a soft tone, almost a whisper. “I think I know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Kurt turns and walks out of the room and out of the apartment. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does when Sebastian doesn’t follow after him. 

*

On autopilot, Kurt ends up at the vogue.com office. He’s not really aware of it until he’s in the elevator punching in the number to his floor. As the doors slide open, he’s not really surprised to see people milling around at their desks. He knows a lot of them work over the weekends to meet deadlines or just because they’re workaholics, hell he’s been here his fair share of weekends too. So he thinks nothing of it when he strides to his desk in front of Isabelle’s office. He is, however, surprised to see Isabelle strolling up to his desk as he waits for his computer to boot up. 

“Kurt,” She says, shock evident in her voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same Ms.Wright," he says, trying to muster up some humor. It sounds a little flat to his own ears, and he’s going to ignore the slight look of concern on Isabelle’s face.  He clears his throat. “Um, I have all the interns blog post now, so I’m getting started on edits.”

“Well can’t you do that on Monday?” She asks, putting her hands on her hips. “And didn’t you have an audition today? Shouldn’t you be preparing for that?”

“It was earlier today.”

“Oh!” She says excitedly. Kurt looks away, not wanting to talk further about it. She notices and in a much softer tone says. “ _ Oh _ .”

There’s an awkward minute or so where Kurt logs into his computer and opens up all of the  windows in tabs he needs. He doesn’t even realize she’s still standing there until he stands to go get a cup of coffee.

“Sorry," he says and sits back down, “Is there something you needed my help with?”

Isabelle purses her lips as she stares down at him, eyeing im contemplatively. Then she nods and starts to walk away. “The blogs can wait. Follow me.” 

Kurt stares at her for a second and then scrambles from his desk to follow her. She leads them  down the row of cubicles and  into the staircase before heading up a few floors. Kurt takes a second to admire her agility in heels as he trails behind her almost tripping every two steps. 

She holds the door open for him and ushers him on to a quieter floor, dark except from the daylight spilling in from various windows.  

“What are we doing up here?”

“We,” Isabelle says as she leads him into a conference room down at the end of a long hall. “Get to play God.”

She flips on the lights to reveal a stack of photos next to a mock of of tables and chairs.

“Well, that’s exaggerating a little bit, but we do get to decide who’s going to have the better night at the gala next week. Help me assign these seats?” She asks turning a hopeful expression on him. 

He smiles and nods walking further into the room and picks up on of the pictures. He turns it over in his hands and looks down at the neat tiny writing on the back.

“Likes dogs. Anti fur.” Kurt reads aloud. 

“Ah yes, then we should make sure he’s at some distance from Anna,” Isabelle says and picks a picture set off to the side. She slips it into an upright clip and then holds her hand out for the picture that Kurt is holding. He hands it over and she puts it in a clip towards the back. “Alright, should be easy enough.” 

Kurt looks at the big pile of photos and then the clips and shrugs. “I guess we’ll find out.”

It’s not easy, but it is fun. He loses track of time as he places and rearranges the guests to the party. Once they’re finished Kurt looks down at there handy work and claps his hand together in triumph.

“I think we’re done!” he says.

“Almost,” Isabelle says. She turns to him and hands him two more pictures. Kurt takes them in looks down at them. One is of himself and the other one is also of him but has a sticker covering his face with “+1” written on it. Kurt looks up, surprised.

“I thought assistants we’re invited to the galas,” Kurt says looking up at her and then at the mock tables. “At least not at the tables.”

“No.” She starts and then leans against the table. “Space is limited, so we can’t invite them all. But you’ve earned it. Plus, if I have my way you won’t be my assistant much longer.”

Kurt shoots her a worried glance. She smiles as she continues. “You’ll be my colleague. Kurt, you’ve worked too hard for this place and deserve to be more than a glorified errand boy.”

“Isabelle, you overcomplicate the strenuousness of my job,” Kurt says even though he’s touched by her words. 

“Doubtful. Anyway, nothing is set in stone, but I just wanted to let you know it was coming.” She says as she gathers the small stack of photos of people who didn’t make it onto a table. “So, who are you going to bring?”

Kurt looks down at the photos and shrugs. “Not sure, I’ll have to let Rachel and Santana duke it out on this one I guess.”

“Oh,” Isabelle says, surprise coloring her voice. Kurt looks to her, confused. She smiles and continues. “I just thought you might want to bring a date.” 

“Oh,” Kurt says and then shakes his head. 

“You know, my friends Jason’s younger brother just moved here--”

“Oh no --” Kurt starts cutting her off. “I’m seeing someone… well sort of. I think?” 

He heaves a huge sigh and leans over to place his photos in the two remaining clips on the board. “It’s complicated.”

“I’m pretty good with complicated,” Isabelle says. “I also have a bottle of wine in my office at all times. You know, in case of emergencies.” 

Kurt laughs softly and stares down at the plus one for a few seconds. “He’s um," he starts, “Not out.  And we’re not… I don’t know we’re not actually dating more like fu--” He cuts off looking at her with wide eyes. 

“I get it,” She says calmly and smiles, nodding her head for him to continue. He clears his throat.

“It’s been going on for a few months now. And.. I’m a little crazy about him,” Kurt says and covers his face with his hands. “Which is stupid because he’s my best friend and I know he’s not straight.  Well ‘not completely straight’” he says, rolling his eyes. “And Santana found out and told me I’m being stupid but I don’t know. It feels...  right when I’m around him.”

“What bothers you most?” Isabelle asks. “Him not being out or you not knowing where you stand with him?”

“The latter, I think,” Kurt says and turns to mirror her lean against the table. “I’d like to know that my heart’s not getting invested in someone going through a gay crisis.” 

“Fair point,” Isabelle says and then sighs heavily. “Here’s what I think you should do. Invite him to Friday’s gala as your date, not as your friend and see how he responds. It should be telling enough.”

Kurt bites his lips as he thinks about it. “Well he might not want to see me at all,” Kurt says after a few seconds. “We had a pretty big argument about his parents before I left.” 

“If that’s not a fight had by a couple, I don’t know what is,” Isabelle says.  Kurt huffs out a bitter laugh and shrugs. She continues. “You need to be honest with him, Kurt. It’s the only way to really know where you stand with him. Ask him. And if you don’t like the answer… I can call Jason.” 

Kurt smiles a little sadly and nods. Isabelle walks over to him and gives him a tight hug, rubbing his back softly. When she pulls back she gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Now get out of here, be merry and do whatever people in their early 20s do on Saturday nights.”

Kurt laughs and looks around at the table once more. “You sure you don’t need anything else around here?” 

“Nope,” She says and heads towards the door. “ I’m actually on my way out too.”

“Hot date,” Kurt asks as he walks behind her.

Isabelle laughs lightly and leads them to the elevator. “Not even close.” 

*

When Kurt walks back into the apartment, Sebastian’s waiting for him at the kitchen counter. Kurt pauses on his way to their room and looks at him. Sebastian wrings his hands anxiously before he points to a few containers on the counter.

“I ordered sushi," he says. “I thought we could have dinner together.” 

“I’m not hungry,” Kurt lies, he’s actually starving. It hits him all of a sudden that he’s only had coffee today. He turns to go into the room when Sebastian speaks up again. 

“I got it from that place you like," he says, voice rushed, almost pleading, like he thinks if Kurt walks into that room he’ll never speak to him again. Kurt turns brow raised.

“The place you’re convinced we’re all going to get food poisoning from every time I go there?” Kurt asks.

“I still think that,”Sebastian says, and then like he thinks better of it and backtracks, “But I know you love it so I thought it was worth gastroenteritis.” 

Kurt rolls his eyes at that , but can help but let his nose lead him to the smells wafting his way.  He peeks inside the clear tops of the containers and smiles, “Oh you got--”

“Yeah, I know it’s your favorite,” Sebastian says and then reaches over to grab a carton, “and I got pot stickers. I know you like those too.”

Kurt smiles softly and nods, “Yeah," he pauses, not really knowing what else to say. “Thanks.”

Sebastian smiles tightly and sits down at one of the barstools. He looks over at Kurt and pats the stool next to him. Kurt almost opts for standing on the other side of the counter, but a voice that is very clearly Isabelle tells him to stop being a child about it.  Kurt slides his bag off his shoulder, and sit down next to Sebastian. 

They eat in silence for a long time, Kurt hardly notices, suddenly ravenous.  

It’s not until Kurt looks around for something to drink that Sebastian says something, breaking the quiet streak.

“Uh, I bought some wine," he says and hops off his stool and over to the fridge. After a few seconds he produces a bottle of white wine already uncorked. “Uh, I might have had a bit while you were out.” He says, laughing nervously and grabs two mason jars from the drying rack next to the sink and pours them about half way before passing one over to Kurt.

“Thanks,” Kurt says before he takes a small sip. There’s a brief pause before Sebastian clears his throat. 

“I’m sorry about your audition," he says, “Do you want to talk about it?"

Kurt shakes his head and takes another, longer, sip of his wine. Sebastian sighs, but nods. He comes back to sit beside him and brings the bottle with him. The clink it makes against the counter sounds louder than it should in the stark silence.

“Kurt,” Sebastian starts and then stops. Kurt looks up at him and watches him take a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever he’s about to say. “I don’t know how, or what, we even are.”

Kurt frowns. Sebastian looks up just in time to notice it because he continues quickly. “I mean I know we’re friends, best friends, and something else that I’m--I’m sorry. I’m not ready to put a label to it.”

And Kurt’s not sure how he feels about that. He too hadn’t known what to call this thing they were (are?) doing. But it’s one thing to theorize and another thing completely to have it spelled out for him that this is a total mess. He meets Kurt’s eyes and turns in his seat to face him. He puts a hand on Kurt’s knee and squeezes reassuringly. Although Kurt can’t tell who it’s meant for more. 

“I know it’s not fair to ask you to keep doing… this," he says and makes a hand motion that implies both of them. “But.” 

He stops and closes his eyes. “You’re right," he says and looks at Kurt again. “You have been there. For a long time now, and for everything that matters. And I need you there. I  _ want you  _  there for whatever comes next.”

He moves his hand from Kurt’s knee and takes Kurt’s hand in both of his and looks down at it. 

“I know whatever happens next with my parents, or with this agent, won’t be easy," he says and looks back up to meet Kurt’s eyes. “But I can’t think of any person I’d rather get through it with.”

Kurt swallows, throat dry all of a sudden and pulls his hand out of Sebastian grip to reach over for his glass. He takes a sip of wine, and then thinks better of it and takes another, longer sip. 

“Kurt,” Sebastian starts, but Kurt puts his hand up to stop him. 

“Give me a second,” Kurt says and takes a deep breath as he stares down at the counter, now filled with have empty containers of sushi. Sushi that Sebastian bought for him even though he hates it - plus bonus pot stickers. This food that he bought as some form of apology to Kurt. 

He turns to look at Sebastian, who is staring at him with a look of open desperation that makes Kurt want to punch whoever caused it. Belatedly, he remembers that  _ he’s _ the reason, and has to take another deep breath before he speaks. 

“Okay," he says and then reaches out to put a hand on Sebastian’s cheek. “Yeah.”

The relief on Sebastian’s face is palpable and Kurt can’t help but smile. Sebastian leans his head against Kurt’s shoulder and sighs heavily. He wraps his arms around his waist before pulling him into a tight hug, his face resting in the crook of Kurt’s neck. 

They stand like that for awhile. Just holding each other and calming down from the stress of the moments before. When Sebastian finally pulls back  he moves his hands to Kurt’s cheeks and smiles, eyes bright. “Thank you.”

Kurt can’t help himself, force of habit or sheer stupidity, who knows, but he leans in to kiss him. It’s meant to be a quick peck, chaste and comforting. But it quickly heats up, both of them releasing the stress of the days and pouring every ounce of reassurance and support they can manage. 

Sebastian pulls back with a gasp, holding Kurt securely by the back of his neck, and leans his forehead against Kurt’s. “God, You drive me crazy," he breathes out.

Kurt wants to say the feeling is mutual, he wants to say a lot of things that all fall into the category of  _ I lose my goddamn mind when I’m around you _ , but before he can say anything else Sebastian moves his hands down Kurt’s neck, his fingers lightly tracing down his shoulder to his arms then hands before he lacing their fingers together. Sebastian kisses the corner of Kurt’s mouth sweetly before he pulls back and leads them to their bedroom.

Once inside Sebastian pulls Kurt towards his bed and sits down before pulling Kurt to stand in front of him. The similarity of this position is not lost on him. This time when Sebastian leans forward Kurt’s more than willing, already hard in his sweats, and groans when Sebastian mouths at his bulge. Sebastian just smirks before he tugs at the waistband and then pulls down his sweats and underwear down to his knees.

Sebastian’s hands grip hard around Kurt’s hips when he takes him into his mouth, just the tip, and Kurt’s thankful for the hold Sebastian has on him because his knees buck dangerously and he has to hold onto Sebastian’s shoulder for support.

Sebastian, the smug bastard, hums in laughter sending a wave of vibrations around his dick. “Oh holy,” Kurt breathes out fist clenching the fabric of Sebastian’s shirt. 

Sebastian pulls off then, and Kurt looks down to see him smirk up at him. He leans in and kisses at Kurt’s hip and then taps his pants.  “Off. Come on.” 

Kurt steps back and takes off his shoes, and pulls his pants and briefs the rest of the way down. Sebastian stands in front of him and has hands rest on Kurt’s bare ass. He squeezes them tightly before his hands move up his back taking Kurt’s shirt with them and raises it over his head.

Sebastian waste no time in kissing him again and leads him back to the bed, this time nudges Kurt lightly to lay down and hover on top of him. 

Kurt tries to focus on his breath as Sebastian trails kisses down his neck, and then torso, before he get’s to his hip. Kurt thinks he’s got it almost under control when Sebastian licks up the shaft from root to tip before sucking him back into his mouth slowly.

It’s not like the haven’t done this before, blow jobs are not a new venture for them, not by the least, but something tells Kurt this isn’t how is night is going to end and it’s got him on edge. Kurt lets his hand slide into Sebastian’s hair, tugging on it just a little, and closes his eyes.

Sebastian slowly picks up speed, his tongue sliding up along the shaft. Kurt is lost in a haze of want, and barely opens his eyes in time to watch Sebastian take him in deeper. The head of his dick hits the back of Sebastian's throat before he comes back up and does it again, and just… shit. He does it again, and again, and Kurt’s breath comes in short pants that he can bother to be embarrassed by later. He feels like he’s about to come any second now.

Sebastian pulls off, because of course he does, and Kurt can’t help the whine he releases,  and Sebastian tilts his forehead against Kurt’s thigh with a strangled laugh. “Fuck, Kurt. You’re gonna make me come in my pants.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Kurt manages, and Sebastian looks up at him and smirks.

“Yeah, but I have other plans for tonight,” Sebastian says. Planting a kiss inches away from Kurt’s incredibly hard dick.  

Kurt’s stomach does a weird somersault at that, and he takes a shuddering breath that he tries and fails to pass off as a huff of laughter, “Bold words coming from the one still fully dressed.”

Sebastian grins and gets up on his knees and crawls up his body to kiss Kurt quickly before he gets off the bed. He makes quick work of his clothes and then heads over to the dresser and bends down to the bottom drawer, which Kurt knows holds an assortment of lube and condoms carefully tucked under a neat arrangement of socks. 

Sebastian stands, tube of lube and condom in his hand and he walks back over to Kurt’s bed. He holds them up for him to see. “Yeah?”

Kurt nods and sits up a little.  Sebastian smiles and leans down to meet him in a kiss. This time it’s a little less intense, slower, gentle even. Sebastian smiles against his lips as he crawls back on top of him, their dicks brushing against each other and making them both moan. 

“Fuck,” Sebastian breathes out against Kurt’s cheek. “I need a moment.”

Kurt just hums his acknowledgement and reaches for the tube of lube. He spread some onto his fingers and spreads his legs wider before bringing his fingers between his cheeks. Sebastian’s eyes are glue to his fingers as they circle around his hole. And he thinks he hears them both gasps when Kurt slides one slick finger inside of him. 

After a few minutes one finger becomes two, and shortly after that Kurt is panting again, three fingers deep inside of him.  

Sebastian stills Kurt’s hand and slowly guides him away.  He trails his hands onto Kurt’s thighs and spreads them apart farther. Kurt opens for him with ease. 

Sebastian’s eyes go dark and he swears under his breath as he drinks in the sight of Kurt in front of him. He reaches for the condom and puts it on quickly, adding more lube and strokes himself a  few times before he hovers over Kurt again and kisses him. 

Kurt wraps his arms around Sebastian’s neck and lets Sebastian lift him a bit so that his legs settle around his back. He gasps into Sebastian's mouth at the first hint of pressure against his entrance. And as Sebastian pushes in further, his breath hitching more, Kurt feels like all the air has evacuated his lungs all together. 

“Shit," he says on a painful inhale when Sebastian bottoms out. “You’re… shit.”

Sebastian pulls back a little, and Kurt moves his hands to wrap around Sebastian’s arms braced on either side of him now. They stare at each other for a long moment before Sebastian leans down and brushes his lips softly against Kurt’s.  It’s so gentle, so intimate, Kurt’s heart ramps up and threatens to explode.

“You okay?” Sebastian asks him and all he can do is nod. 

He has to close his eyes for a second when Sebastian pulls out a bit and pushes back in. It’s been awhile since Kurt’s done this with someone, not since he and Blaine hooked up at Will’s wedding, and he’s never done this with Sebastian. He sort of expected their first time like this to be like their first… well everything. Quick and dirty, a little hectic, with colorful commentary to remind him who he’s dealing with. 

But when he glances up at Sebastian, he seems focused and  serious,  and he maintains a level of eye contact with Kurt that sets fire to the deepest parts of Kurt’s soul. 

Years of friendship make them good at this. With every push and pull and change in rhythm Sebastian seems to be reading Kurt’s body language. With a breathy moan, or gasp, and even the few whimpers of pain, Sebastian navigates him like the key of a map and changes his angles and positions accordingly. 

It isn’t until Sebastian has him damn near bent in half, legs now hooked over his shoulder and babbling incoherently that he thinks about how he hasn’t touched his dick once, which surprises him as he feels an orgasm approaching fast.

He brings his hand in between his legs and gets one good tug in before Sebastian slaps his hand away with a low growl. Kurt looks up, prepared to gripe about it, but the look of intensity he sees on Sebastian’s face throws him off guard.  Sebastian grabs one of his legs, and brings it over his head so that both of his legs are on one shoulder making the angle of his thrusts shift inside of Kurt. His back arches off the bed as Sebastian pounds ruthlessly against his prostate with such precision that Kurt feels like he’s going to black out. 

His orgasm seems to punch out of him, leaving him writhing and gasping under Sebastian. 

Kurt rides out the waves of pleasure as Sebastian continues to thrust inside of him.  A few minutes later, just when it’s starting to air on the side of uncomfortable, Sebastian’s hip stutter a little before he freezes with a deep guttural groan, thrusting once more hard into Kurt and then collapses against him. 

Kurt let’s him take about 30 seconds to catch his breath before the weight of him, and his own legs, against his chest becomes too much. 

“Sebastian, Can’t. Breathe,” Kurt manages. 

Sebastian leans  back and slowly pulls out. Kurt has to bite down on his moan the motion causes. Sebastian plants a soft kiss to the side of Kurt’s knee before he grabs his legs and gently guides them back to the bed.  He stands to take off the condom and tosses it in the trash can. Kurt silently reminds himself to change the bag before Rachel come snooping for something. 

When Sebastian comes back he’s got a shirt in his hand and he leans down to wipe at the mess on Kurt’s chest.  

“I’ve never done that before,” Kurt says and Sebastian’s hand freezes as he sends him a terrified look. Kurt’s confused for a second before he realizes what he’s said and laughs. “No not that, stupid. You know that. I meant I’ve never ...come like that.”

Sebastian smirks, but is still visibly relieved. “Well I’m glad I could pop that cherry for you.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and sits up, prepared to actually go and get clean. But before he can get up Sebastian grabs him  around the waist and pulls him close to him. “Hey wait," he says softly. 

Kurt looks at him and can’t help but lean into him. 

“I don’t know what this is,” Sebastian says, and some of the uneasiness from their earlier conversation starts to creep back in. “But,” Sebastian continues. “I have absolutely no intention of living without it. Without you.”

  
Kurt smiles and leans in to kiss him softly before leaning back to say. “Are you doing anything next Friday?” 


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt is man enough to admit when he’s wrong. Sitting in a room mostly filled with people he can’t stand, he can absolutely admit that he was wrong about Sebastian’s parents. It doesn't mean he has to be happy about it. 

It’s been a few months since Sebastian’s declaration of … something, and Kurt can’t deny he’s been enjoying himself. The sex has been amazing, and plentiful,  and with his new (sort of) position as a floating assistant in the event operations and web editorial departments at Vogue, it’s given him and Sebastian more excuses to go on “not-date” dates. Kurt had been worried at first when Sebastian had agreed to go to the gala with him, but the night had been an overall success. They had a great time, Kurt was pulled away for minimal assistant related emergencies, and there was surprisingly no pressure to put a label on their relationship. 

As the months ticked on and more parties and banquets came and went, even though Kurt’s number of invitees grew with his new role, Sebastian was now a permanent fixture at them all. When his schedule permitted it that is. Because as busy as Kurt had been, Sebastian’s agent,   Hunter Clarington, had been relentless about getting him in front of as many important people as possible, which now that Kurt thinks about it might be why Sebastian suddenly has availability for vogue parties, but not game night at the apartment. 

Kurt squints his eyes across the room as that thought crosses his mind, the champagne suddenly sour in his mouth now, as he watches Hunter and Sebastian work the room. Tonight’s list of guest had grown to an impressive number. Between Hunter inviting producers and writers, and Stan and Sharon inviting their selection of people to impress, the screening room that Sebastian’s parents normally rented out for even the tiniest of walk-on roles was pushing the capacity limit.

It’s not that Kurt isn’t happy to be there, he’s actually really proud of Sebastian. Not to mention Sebastian’s been really supportive of his new responsibilities at vogue too, even when there’s not free food and booze involved. Kurt’s mind drifts happily to three weeks ago when he’d come home in a work-induced rage that resulted in Sebastian giving him the most amazing massage that he’d ever received - happy ending included. 

His trip down memory lane is cut short by a burst of raucous laughter. Kurt looks back to the group of people and see’s them all in varying stages of overdone hilarity. Even Rachel and Santana,  leaning into each other like whatever Hunter just said was so funny they can’t even stand anymore, eat into it all. He rolls his eyes and turns away towards the small drink station at the back of the room. 

He sighs and hands his glass to the server manning the table for a refill. 

“Not trying to get in on any of that?”

Kurt looks behind him to see Jesse walking up to the table. He smiles and looks at the server. “Any beer please.” 

The server nods and hands Kurt his glass back before turning to retrieve a beer for Jesse. Kurt looks to the group of people and sighs heavily. 

“Nothing I haven’t heard before,” Kurt says and takes a sip of his drink, which is mostly true. He knows all if not most of the stories that Sebastian’s telling about the different sets he’s been on, and Kurt could care less about which one of Hunter’s clients really broke up Bragelina. “What about you?”

Jesse just shrugs and accepts his beer. “I’m doing alright. None of them would probably have much to offer me anyway. Which by the way.” Jesse starts. “My boss is working with LMM on his new show. It’s still in the early stages, but I think you’d be good for one of the supporting roles. I could pass along your resume if you want.”

“Umm,” Kurt starts, oddly surprised by the offer. “Sure. that’d be fantastic.”

Jesse nods and takes a sip of his beer as he looks back to the group of people. Kurt follows his gaze and settles on Rachel, now engaged in conversation with one of the producers that Hunter invited along. He and Jesse have never really been much more than cordial that toes the line of passive aggressiveness on the best of  days. Of all the people that Rachel has dated, Kurt knows that she’s never been with someone as supportive of her dream and yet challenges her to be better. Not like Jesse has. For that reason alone, he could like Jesse. Even if he still has flashbacks of helping Rachel clean egg out of her hair. 

Rachel turns then to find them looking and she smiles brightly before pointing over to Jesse and waves him over. “Welp, duty calls," he says and walks back towards the group of people. 

Kurt nods and lets his mind wander to the prospect of a new job for a second before Stan Smythe walks to the front of the room tapping a microphone. Kurt groans internally and throws back the rest, albeit still almost full glass of champagne and wordlessly hands it to the server behind him.

“If I could have everyone's attention," he says into the mic and then smiles broadly as the room quiets down. “We’ve got a full house tonight! Thank you all again for coming out to celebrate with us another one of Sebastian’s achievements.”

There’s a wave of applause as the room turns with Stan to look at Sebastian. “Son, you continue to delight and surprise us with your talents. Whether it’s theater or on screen you always seem to shine brighter than us all.” 

Kurt rolls his eyes. 

“Also! Kudos to Hunter for helping you land your first multi episode guest starring role as “ _ The Blur” _ ," he says and then reaches out to accept a drink from someone. He raises it up in the air and smiles as the room follows suit.

“To Sebastian, congratulations on another success, Son.”

There’s a quick chorus of  _ To Sebastian _ and Kurt turns and grabs his glass from the server.

“It hasn’t even aired yet. What if it sucks?” Kurt says to himself. He’s annoyed and on edge and he just really hates these stupid parties. He tosses back half of his champagne in one sip, and turns to find the whole room staring at him. He swallows loudly. 

“What?” Kurt says, dumbly. 

“Stream’s ready,” someone shouts out. 

“Well, I guess we’re about to find out if it sucks or not, Bambi,” Sebastian says, eyes tight.  _ Shit,  _ he thinks. Kurt hadn’t known he’d said that so loud. Everyone takes their seats as the lights dim but not before he sees the disappointment on Sebastian’s face.

*

After the show, which was unsurprisingly well acted and even a funny role from Sebastian, Kurt grabs his jacket and excuses himself from the theater. He tugs on his coat as he steps out into the chilly night air.  Kurt takes a calming breath and leans against the window of the building front. He’s still feeling residual waves of guilt from his earlier comment and just needs a moment to himself to wallow before he goes back in to face Sebastian and his family. 

“Kurt?” 

Kurt snaps his head towards the new voice. 

“Adam?” Kurt says, shock coloring his voice. Adam smiles and walks over to stand in front of him, hands in his pockets.

“What are you doing out here?” 

Kurt points over his shoulder, “Friend of mine rented a screening room for his TV show he just guest-starred in.”

“Here?” He says and then looks up at the fancy building. He adds in a quieter tone, “For a guest role?”

Kurt can’t help but laugh at that. “Yeah I know. At least this time he had more than 5 minutes of screen time.”

“This time, huh,” Adam says again and then looks at Kurt curiously. “It isn’t Smythe is it?”

“Yeah,” Kurt says a little wary given the look he’s getting. “Why?”

Adam laughs softly, “ I just thought you’d be more excited for your boyfriend.” He says, without even a hint of sarcasm. Kurt just stares at him, tongue in his throat.

“Boyfriend?” He finally splutters out. 

“Yeah,” Adam says looking at him again with suspicion. “Haven’t you two been dating since… well since we… you know.” 

Kurt forces himself to maintain eye contact with Adam, even though every fiber of his being is screaming to look away. He’s always regretted the way he and Adam ended. But he was so confused about Blaine, and now he’s okay with admitting his simmering crush for Sebastian at the time, that he couldn’t even fathom adding another guy into the mix. He’d told Adam he wasn’t a rebound, and then basically ghosted him until he one day just randomly decided to show up to Adam’s Apples practice. Kurt can’t really blame him for kicking him out.

“Oh umm, no,” Kurt says and shrugs. “ We’re just friends.”

Friends who fuck on the regular, his drunk brain adds bluntly. 

“I see,” Adam says, giving him a skeptical look. I just assumed after he transferred… nevermind. Not my--” He trails off and then looks back at the building. “But good for him. He’s in TV now. Anything I would have seen?”

Kurt shrugs. “A couple of extra spots here and there. He landed a nice roll on an episode of Law and Order that aired a few weeks ago. Tonight he’s guest starring on that WC show about the guy with the arrows?  Or super something? I’m not sure it’s all kind of blurring together. He’s been busy.”

“And you’ve been drinking,” Adam says, voice light with laughter. Kurt can’t help but smile back. 

“And that,” Kurt admits. “Where are you off to anyway?” Kurt says and glances down the street in the direction he was heading. 

“Oh, my um," he pauses and Kurt smiles again at the slight flush on his cheek. “My boyfriend is playing in a show down the street.” 

“Oh cool,” Kurt says and sighs wistfully. “That sounds fun.” 

“You’re more than welcomed to join," he says with a shrug. “I’m sure He and Dani would love the audience.”

Kurt looks back at the building and then pulls his phone out of his back pocket. He doesn’t have a text asking where he is or anything, which is telling enough for him. He looks back to Adam and shrugs. 

“Sure why not," he says and follows as Adam leads him away. 

*

He eventually does get a text from someone. Rachel sends him a string of question marks, and half of beer deep, Kurt doesn’t have the dexterity to do more than send her a pin of his location. 

They show up a few minutes later and Kurt waves them over to the table of to the side where he and Adam are sitting. Rachel gives Kurt a suspicious glance before turning a smile towards Adam. 

“Hi stranger,” She says and goes in for a hug. Adam smiles politely and hugs her back. When they pull apart she points behind her. “This is my boyfriend Jesse, and I think you remember Santana?”

Jesse waves and Santana puts her hands on her hips and winks at him. “Sup Downton Abbey?”

Kurt and Rachel share an exasperated look but Adam laughs and lifts his glass in salute to her. “Never better. Good to see you Santana. To see you all. I hope you didn’t ditch your party for the show?”

“It wasn’t really a party. More of a dog and pony show,” Jesse says and then winces when Rachel elbows him. “Ugh, fine. I’m gonna go get us a round.” He says and turns and heads towards the bar. 

“Tequila!” Santana shouts after him and then turns back towards the group. “So Crawford, What have you been up to? Still bobbing for apples, or whatever?”

Adam laughs. “Oh Santana, you can do better than that," he quips before shrugging. “ I’ve been doing what most of us have been doing post-graduation. Auditioning for anything that comes my way. I also teach piano lessons part-time. So there’s that.”

“That’s awesome,” Kurt says and nudges him with his shoulder. Adam ducks his head and shrugs. 

“It’s fun enough at least, and it pays the bills.”

“I think it’s great! Cheers to you,” Kurt says and picks up his glass to clink against Adams. He hits it a little too hard and sloshes some of the liquid out of his cup. “Whoops.”

Adam smiles and pats Kurt shoulder. Kurt ignores the concern he sees on his face. Just as Jesse gets back with probably far more shots than necessary, the house music turns down and a band of people dressed in all black leather outfits walk onto the small stage. 

“How you guys doing tonight,” The guys says and smiles out at the crowd.

Adam leans in close to speak in Kurt’s ear over the noise. “That’s Elliott.” He says as Elliott says “This is Dani and I’m starchild.”

Kurt turns to Adam for confirmation and he shrugs. “Stage name he’s trying out.”  

Elliott continues on stage, “And we are the Queermore Girls, you guys ready to have some fun tonight?” 

The bar, which Kurt is just now realizing is pretty packed, cheers as a body-numbing baseline starts to play. 

The band is good. They do a mix of classic rock and current pop power ballads cover songs with a few original songs thrown in. It’s fun and Kurt can’t help but have a good time, best of all it’s good to see the look of pure pride on Adam’s face as he watches Elliott. 

They play for about an hour, and Kurt has lost count of the amount of drinks and shots he’s had. He doesn’t think it’s too many, but at some point Santana forced him to drink a glass of water. When Dani and Elliott join their table a few minutes after they leave the stage, the bartender brings over a round of shots for the group. 

They cheers to ‘a damn good show’ and toss back the shots in unison.  Once the cacophony of glasses hitting wood settles down, Elliott speaks up. “Okay! So who’s who?” He says pointing to the rest of the table. 

“Well,  _ I’m _ Adam,” Adam says, smiling happily at him. Elliott rolls his eyes and puts an arm around his neck and pulls him in to kiss his cheek.

“Hi Adam," he says. “Why don’t you introduce me to your friends now.”

Adam just smiles as he turns to look at the group. “That’s Rachel, we went to NYADA together, and her roommate Santana.” He says and points to Rachel and Santana. He looks around the table for a second, looking confused, “and Rachel’s boyfriend Jesse was here.”

“Oh he went to get another round,” Rachel says loudly. 

Adam nods and then turns to look at Kurt. “And this is Kurt," he looks back to Elliott who gives him a strange look before smiling again as Adam continues. “He’s also a NYADA alum. He was in the Adam’s Apples.”

“Right!” Elliott says, with as much enthusiasm as Adam. “I think I remember you talking about him.”

Adam chokes on his beer as Elliott continues. “Well thanks for coming. In case Adam didn’t tell you I’m Elliott and this is Dani.” 

“You guys enjoy the show?” Dani asks. 

“It was amazing,” Santana says with a big smile. She flips her hair and looks down Dani’s body. “I really love your outfit by the way.”

Dani smirks. “Thanks girl, You too,” She says and gives a reciprocating once over to Santana. 

“So what brought you guys out tonight,” Dani asks, eyes not leaving Santana.

“Well this idiot disappeared on us,” Santana says and throws an annoyed glance at Kurt before turning the charm back on for Dani. “But I’ve never been more pleasantly surprised to find Bambi in a skevy bar.”

Kurt groans. Adam laughs. “Okay what is it with that nickname? I never understood it.”

“Noooo,” Kurt groans louder.

“When we were in high school,” Rachel starts. “Kurt got really drunk one day and called our guidance counselor Bambi before he threw up all over her shoes.”

“It’s a Kurt highlight of mine,” Santana says cheerily.

“So now we call him Bambi when he get’s drunk,” Rachel continues. 

“I hate you,” Kurt says to the table, which they all ignore. 

“So you guys know each other from high school too?” Dani asks and the three of them nod. 

“What about you guys how did the Queermore Girls come to be,” Rachel asks. 

“We met at NYU,” Elliott says. “ And then she introduced me to this guy," he says and pulls Adam against him close. Adam smiles at him and then looks to the group. 

“Dani and I teach for the same company," he says. 

“When I’m not working at the Starlight Diner,” Dani adds. 

Rachel gasp. “You work there? That place is so cool! You get to sing anytime you want,right?” She says her voice a higher octave than it normally is. 

“Yeah, I guess it’s cool?” Danis says with a shrug. 

“You can ignore her,” Santana says. “She goes into a fit if one person goes too long without hearing the sound of her voice.” 

“Hey!” Rachel says, indignant, and then looks to Kurt for support.

“Be nice, Santana,” Kurt says, voice monotone.  To which she just rolls her eyes. Dani leans over and whispers something in her ear which makes them both laugh. 

“Well it’s clear where this is going,” Elliot says to Adam. “It cool it I stay at your place?”

“Of course,” Adam says and looks like he’s about to say something else but then waves his hand in the direction towards the exit. They all turn and see Sebastian navigating his way towards them. He arrives to a chorus of hellos. 

“I heard there was a party happening here,” Sebastian says and looks over at Kurt. Kurt looks away and towards the bar. 

“Jesse should be back with those drinks by now," he mumbles. 

“Kurt told me about the TV show. Congrats man!” Adam says and reaches over to shake his hand. 

“Thank you.” Sebastian says.

“This is my boyfriend Elliott and his band mate Dani,” Adam says pointing as he introduces them. 

“Yeah you missed their show, but it was amazing,” Santana says, looking back to smile at Dani. 

“Well, sad I missed it,” Sebastian says, distractedly, and scoots out of the way as Jesse comes back with drinks. 

“Next time,”  Elliott says. 

“Definitely, sure,” Sebastian says as he reaches Kurt’s side and speaks quietly. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Kurt says quickly and grabs one of the shots and then raises it in the air. “I want to make a toast.” 

He stands and sways a little bit, but Sebastian puts a steadying hand at his waist with an annoyed sigh at his side. Kurt clears his throat and raises the glass higher. “To new friends, to new opportunities, to ... umm.” Kurt says, losing his train of thought completely as Sebastian’s hand slides to the small of his back. 

“To the Queermore Girls,” Santana shouts. 

“And to Sebastian’s guest star debut,” Adam adds.

“Cheers,” Elliot says. There’s a chorus of cheers after that and a few of them clink their glasses together before drinking down their shots.

Kurt’s just about to drink his down when Sebastian takes it out of his hand smoothly and tosses it back himself.

Kurt balks. “What just-- that was mine.”

“I think you’ve had enough, Kurt,” Sebastian says and reaches for a glass of water in the center of the table. He places it in front of Kurt, who just stares down at the glass. Kurt’s mind slowly works towards getting angry and he stares up at Sebastian with all of the defiance he can muster.

“I am not a child, Sebastian,” Kurt says.

“Well, then stop acting like one.” Sebastian says smoothly. 

“Why are you even here?” Kurt snaps.

“Because  _ you _ weren’t picking up your phone.  _ And _ nobody texted me back after they went looking for you. I had to use ‘Find my Friend’," he says and throws an annoyed glance in his roommate’s direction. 

“So why are you  _ here? _ ” Kurt asks again. 

Sebastian just stares at him for a long moment and then without warning reaches down and feels around the pockets in Kurt’s jeans.  Not finding anything he leans in closer to dig around in the back pockets. 

“What are you doing?” Kurt exclaims, trying to twist away from Sebastian as he digs Kurt’s phone out of his back pocket. He powers up the screen and looks down at it for a second. He rolls his eyes as he turns it around to show Kurt, who has to squint for a second to see the string of text messages and missed calls from Sebastian. 

Kurt takes his phone and scrolls down to the first one.

_ Sebastian: Thank fuck, they are finally gone.  _

_ Sebastian: My mom has fucking lost it I swear. _

_ Sebastian: Anyway. I got us a room at the hotel next door, rm 817.  _

_ Sebastian: So fucking stressed. I just want to lay down next to you. _

_ Sebastian: I mean… I also want to suck your dick until you see stars as payback for your comment earlier. _

_ Missed Call From Sebastian _

_ Sebastian: Hello, where did you go? _

_ Missed Call From Sebastian _

_ Sebastian in Group Text: Yo did you guys find Kurt okay? _

_ Sebastian: Kurt? Pick up the phone. I’m getting worried.  _

_ Missed Call From Sebastian(2) _

_ Sebastian in Group Text: ??????? _

Kurt looks up. “I’m sorry I didn’t seem them.”

“Seem them?” Sebastian says, “Jesus, bambi.”

Kurt ignores him. “ What happened with your mom?”

Sebastian shakes his head, and Kurt knows not to push it. He puts his phone back in his pocket  and nudges Sebastian with his elbow. Well at least he means to nudge him. If the wince Sebastian gives in return says anything, he might have just elbowed him in the ribs. Anyway, he’s got something to say.

“Hey, look at me,” Kurt says in what he hopes is a comforting voice. He waits until Sebastian looks at him before he leans in and ends up talking against his cheek. “I’m really proud of you.”

He pulls back and grabs the glass of water. “And you didn’t suck,” Kurt adds before he takes a sip.

“Thanks, bambi,” Sebastian says. And his voice is sarcastic but he squeezes the back of Kurt’s neck reassuringly. 

“So,” Elliott says. “How long have you two been dating.”

Kurt spits out his drink.

“Jesus, Kurt,” Rachel says, looking at Dani who got the worst of it over her face.

“Oh my god.  I’m sorry!” Kurt says and tries to stand, planning to get napkins or something, anything, to help, but just ends up knocking over more glasses in his haste. “Oh god.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine, just stay seated,” Dani says and wipes her face on her arm.

His face crimson, Kurt puts his head in his hands as Sebastian says.“We should head out. It was nice meeting you guys.” 

Sebastian pulls Kurt’s jacket off the back of his chair where he’d thrown it earlier and nudges his arms away from his face to put it on.  Kurt’s barely put his arms through the sleeve before Sebastian’s arm wrap around his waist and lifts him into a standing position. Then the room spins.

“We’ll see you guys tomorrow,” one of them says - Kurt’s not sure who. He’s suddenly very aware of how drunk he actually is and idly wonders when  _ that _ happened.

He doesn’t really have much time to think about it, the floor seems content on shifting around as he tries to walk. Luckily Sebastian’s a steady pressure at his side, his arms tight around Kurt’s middle, as they walk down the quiet street. Kurt loses track of time as they walk. He’s pretty sure he’s seconds away from falling asleep standing up when Sebastian leans him against the  wall. 

Kurt opens his eyes for a second and watches Sebastian pull a key card out of his back pocket and open the hotel room door.  He leads Kurt inside and down onto the softest bed he’s ever been on. 

He doesn’t realize he’s fallen asleep until Sebastian leans over him to turn off the light, their bare skin flushed against each other as he reaches.

“How am I naked," he mumbles and turns into rest his face against Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian just huffs out a laugh.

“Don’t be dramatic, I left your briefs on," he says and wraps his arm around Kurt’s back, pulling him in close. 

“You smell good," he says and takes a deep breath. 

“Yeah, well you smell like tequila,” Sebastian says before he plants a kiss to the top of Kurt’s head. “But I’ll let you stay anyway.”

“How nice of you,” Kurt mumbles and is asleep again in seconds.

Kurt wakes up with a jolt and blinks around the room blearily, looking for the cause of his interrupted sleep. Seconds pass before there’s a sharp flare of pain in his stomach.

He groans loudly and pulls back the blankets in a rush to get to the bathroom. He vaguely hears his name being called before he hurls himself to the bathroom floor and vomits into the toilet. 

“God why,” Kurt moans, his head lolling onto the seat. 

“Peoples butt touch that,” Sebastian says from the doorway.

“I’ll exfoliate later,” Kurt says and then dry heaves into the toilet.

He doesn’t remember falling asleep, or waking up to get back in bed, but when he wakes up again there’s soft light coming from the window and his head is pillowed in Sebastian’s lap. 

“Oh god," he says. He attempts to sit up but immediately lays back down when  _ everything _ hurts. “Never again.”

Sebastian laughs softly and runs his hands through his hair. “Mhm, sure.” 

When Kurt looks up at him, he’s smiling down at him, but there’s a tightness in his eyes that makes Kurt nervous. 

“Everything okay?” Kurt asks. 

Sebastian sighs and nods, fingers still carding through Kurt’s hair. “You feeling any better?”

“Well I don’t feel violently ill anymore so there’s that,” Kurt says and closes his eyes again. He would stay all day if he could, just sleeping in this big cozy bed next to the man he...next to the man he has complicated feelings about. But Kurt knows he’ll have to get up soon. He’s got to get back to the apartment, and ready for work, and…

Kurt shoots up quickly, his stomach cramping uncomfortably. 

“Are you going to be sick again?” Sebastian asks and hurries off the bed and away from Kurt across the room. Kurt’s about to make a comment about him being rude before he realizes Sebastian is bringing a trash can over to him. 

“Oh no," he says and looks at the clock. “Um, I’m late for work.” 

He goes to stand but Sebastian puts a hand on his waist and guides him back to the bed. “Hey wait.”

“Sebastian, No. I don’t have time. I have to go to the apartment and change and call work--”

“I emailed Isabelle already," he says and then walks towards the edge of the bed. Kurt looks at him wildly and he rushes to add, “From your phone. I said that you had a stomach bug you were gonna try to sleep off. “ He says and shrugs. “She said to feel better and to tell your boyfriend that he was really cute on TV last night.”

Kurt stills, because that’s the third time someone has called Sebastian his boyfriend in the last 24 hours, and the second time in front of Sebastian. He looks up waiting for Sebastian to react. Sebastian just grins at him apparently overlooking the signifier to appreciate the compliment as a whole. Kurt lets himself relax then and rolls his eyes. He pushes Sebastian out of the way to look around for his phone. “How did you even know my passcode.”

“I don’t," he says annoyed. “You keep changing it.”

“Do you know how nosey our roommates are?”

Sebastian laughs. “Fair, but I just used your fingerprint. You were knocked out.” 

Sebastian ignores Kurt’s glare and picks up a bag. “ _ And, _ I packed us a bag yesterday.”

Kurt walks over and peeks in the bag . His eyes widen in surprise when he notices that Sebastian even packed his face and hair products too. He looks up at him, touched by the gesture.

“So,” Sebastian says and walks back to his spot on the bed, “why don’t you take a shower and if you’re up for it we can order room service when you get done.” 

“But what about check out, don’t we have to be out of here soon,” Kurt says glancing over to the clock on the bedside table. 

“I added an extra night to our stay,”Sebastian says.

“Why?”

Sebastian picks up the remote, and shrugs. “You were drunk off your ass last night and miserable this morning. I got the room for both of us _. _ So we should both get to enjoy it.”

Kurt doesn’t know what to say to that. Because it’s so rare. Not exactly rare that they get a room after his screening parties, but rarely do they do more than have celebratory sex and pass out. In fact Kurt normally has to do the whole walk of shame thing in the morning since he has to be to work early. Santana had relentlessly teased him so bad when she caught him doing it, that last time Kurt didn’t even stay the whole night. 

He wants to say something, thank you, maybe, but the words are caught in his throat. Sebastian looks his way when he doesn’t move for a few moments. 

“What?”

“I just,” Kurt pauses and picks up the bag, glancing at the contents inside again. “This was really nice of you.”

Sebastian smiles and then rolls his eyes. “Yeah whatever, just hurry up and shower so we can eat. I’m getting hangry.”

Kurt rolls his eyes, but there's no really annoyance behind it. He’s not sure he could wipe the smile off his face if he tried. 

Kurt tries to be fast in his shower. But the heat on his skin feels amazing on his alcohol induced muscle aches. Plus he’s 95% sure he’s not dreaming about his face touching the toilet seat at some point in the past few hours, so he definitely takes more time than he usually does on his skin care routine. 

Once he’s dressed, and as put together as he’s going to be, he comes out of the bathroom and pauses to watch Sebastian. He laughs a little at the guilty look on Sebastian’s face as he slowly lowers the forkful of eggs that was halfway to his mouth. 

“Sorry, You were taking for-fucking-ever," he says and then points to the array of covered plates on the cart in the center of the room. “But there’s probably a bit of everything. I didn’t know if your stomach was still hurting.”

“Um, coffee?” Kurt asks. Sebastian nods and stand to grab him a cup. Kurt looks around for his phone while Sebastian pours his drink. Once he’s found it on the bedside table he turns and accepts the cup from Sebastian.

“There’s some cold water here too,” Sebastian says before he resumes eating his eggs. Kurt settles down on the bed next to him and they sit like that in silence as Kurt checks his work emails. Every once and awhile Kurt will try to eat certain foods that don’t make his stomach immediately turn at the very thought of it. 

Once he’s done with the more important emails in his inbox, he puts down his phone to refill his coffee. He turns to face Sebastian and clears his throat.

“I’m sorry about last night.” Kurt says, cradling his mug of coffee and adds. “I mean what I said… after your dad’s toast. I’m sorry.”

Sebastian shrugs, smiling around a forkful of pancakes. “It was kinda funny after awhile.”

“You know I’m proud of you,” Kurt says, and he has a brief moment of panic that he’s potentially stepping over that line of seriousness that they generally like to avoid. 

But Sebastian just nods and sits down his fork and turns to face Kurt. “I know," he says and reaches for Kurt’s hand. He squeezes it tightly for a second before he talks again. 

“I know you hate those parties,” Sebastian says and then shakes his head to silence Kurt who’s about to lie and say that’s not true. “It’s fine, it is. So thanks for always coming and hanging around while my mom and dad and Hunter parade me around. It means a lot to me.”

Kurt’s heart thuds painfully in his chest as he looks into Sebastian’s eyes. There’s so much that he wants to tell him. He settles on. “Anytime.”

Sebastian smiles and then looks back at the tray of food in front of them and groans. “I can’t believe I just ate all of that.”

He stands and pushes the tray towards the door. When he walks over to Kurt, he smirks before leaning down and kisses the corner of Kurt’s mouth softly.. “How ever am I going to work it off?”

Kurt smiles and leans into kiss him. Sebastian deftly takes the mug of coffee out of Kurt’s hand  and sits it on the floor before moving to hover over him. Sebastian’s just about to unbutton Kurt’s pants when Kurt’s stomach quivers uncomfortably. 

Kurt turns his head out of the kiss and put his hand over Sebastian’s to stop him. “Sebastian wait.” He says.  

Sebastian pulls back to look down at him, confusion clear on his face. 

“Um,” Kurt says and bites his lip nervously. “Do you mind if we … don’t. It’s not that I don’t want to I just, you know, don’t feel all that great and um, I mean we can if you real--”

Sebastian cuts him off with a quick kiss before he pulls away smiling. “Of course we don’t have to.” 

He crawls off of Kurt and up towards the head of the bed where he leans against the headboard. He motions for Kurt to follow him and opens his arms so Kurt can snuggle up against his side. Sebastian reaches for the remote and mutes the TV before pulling out his phone.

“Now,” Sebastian says as he clicks through to the app on his phone. “We can watch my debut the way I wish it had happened last night. Just the two of us.”

Kurt smiles and wraps his arms around Sebastian’s waist. And as the show loads up, Kurt thinks that the two of them huddled together watching TV on Sebastian’s small phone screen couldn’t be anymore perfect.

When the episode is over, Sebastian asks Kurt what his favorite part was and then a string of other questions that dances around blatantly asking Kurt if he did a good job or not. Kurt’s patient with him, letting him beat around the bush before he leans over to kiss him softly. 

“It was amazing,” Kurt says. “And so were you.” 

Sebastian smiles then, eyes crinkling at the corners, as he looks away for a second. He takes a deep  breath and turns back to look at Kurt and smiles. “You’re just saying that because it’s your fault if I fail.”

Kurt laughs and moves to lay down next to him. He yawns and nods letting his eyes close for a second. “Yeah, yeah. Sure ”

Sebastian doesn’t say anything, but moves to lay next to him and puts his arms around his waist. Kurt feels Sebastian's lips press against his temple a few moments later followed by a softly whispered. “Thank you.”

When Kurt wakes up again he turns to look at the bathroom door just as Sebastian is stepping out of it in just his boxer briefs, wiping his head with a towel. Sebastian smirks when he finds him looking. “Like what you see?”

Kurt rolls his eyes and sits up, searching for his phone. “Gym?” 

Sebastian hums his confirmation and moves towards Kurt as he grabs his phone from the foot of the bed. Sebastian plucks Kurt’s phone out of his hands and leans down to kiss him when Kurt reaches for it. Then he basically tackles him.

“Sebastian, you’re still wet,” Kurt exclaims, trying to escape, which only makes Sebastian wrestle him down harder. Kurt eventually acquiesces, not finding enough energy to resist anymore. Once he’s loose and pliant beneath Sebastian, he smiles down at Kurt and kisses him. Kurt can’t help but melt into it, bringing his hands to trail down Sebastian’s chest. 

Sebastian shivers and pulls away to laugh softly. “You’re hands are cold.” 

“Mhm,” Kurt says, letting his fingers graze over Sebastian’s nipples. He leans up and kisses Sebastian again, swallowing his gasp. Kurt smiles and moves his hand to Sebastian’s back. He urges him in closer and moves to wrap his legs around his back when his stomach growls noisily.

Sebastian pulls back and looks at him hesitantly. “Was that a good stomach thing?”

“Is it ever good?” 

“I mean are you about to get sick?”

Kurt’s stomach growls again and he can’t help the bubble of laughter that stumbles out. 

“Kurt!”

“I’m sorry," he says covering his mouth as Sebastian pulls away, also laughing a bit. “I think I’m just hungry.”

“Well Jesus, let’s feed you. You’re stomach is just as whiny as you are when you’re hungry.” 

Kurt feels no remorse in hitting him with a pillow.  
  


Sebastian let’s Kurt peruse over the menu while he goes to get dressed. They argue over what to order, of course, because nothing is ever truly easy with them. Kurt wants pasta and cheesecake, while Sebastian only wants a salad. 

“Kurt,” Sebastian says picking up the hotel room phone to call it in. “No one is saying you can’t have the fucking cheesecake.”

“But you won’t share it with me!”

“Because I don’t want any goddamn chee-- hello, oh yes. Um sorry. I’d like to place an order for room 817.”

Kurt bites down on a laugh and goes to check his phone while Sebastian orders their food. 

When the food gets there Sebastian in fact does eat half of Kurt’s cheesecake, and they both complain about it. 

“So many calories,” Sebastian moans, before shoving the spoon into his mouth. Kurt just glares at him for a second. 

“Yeah, you’re totally concerned,” Kurt deadpans. “So what, now that you’re a big shot TV star you’re all about the low cal life?”

“Who says I’m doing it for the camera," he says and smirks. “I gotta keep you interested some how.”

Kurt can’t tell if he’s 100 percent joking or not but he doesn’t want to push it. “I’m not that shallow. I’m clearly keeping you around for your access to swanky hotel rooms.”

Sebastian laughs, “Good to know.”

After dinner they lay down and watch a movie. One of the terminators that Kurt loses interest in in about 15 minutes. He’s not too concerned with feeling guilty about it. He’s full and in a really comfortable bed,  snuggled up and warm under the covers. Plus Sebastian keeps rubbing small circles at his back. No one would truly blame him if he just closed his eyes for a little bit.

He wakes up to his alarm going off the next morning and sighs as he reaches to turn it off.  He starts to sit up, dreading already the prospect of getting ready. But before he can move too far away, Sebastian’s arms wrap around him tighter. 

“No," Sebastian groans, trying hard to pull him back against him. “ Stay.”

Kurt huffs out a laugh. “I have to work.”

“Vogue is closer to here than it is to our apartment, sleep longer,” Sebastian says. Kurt considers it for a second. His brain does a clumsy calculation of the route and he sighs before reaching for his phone to put another alarm for the absolute latest time he can get up. He lays back down and turns over so that he’s facing Sebastian, who just smiles sleepily at him. 

“Yay,” Sebastian says quietly, eyes already closing again. Kurt smiles softly and lets Sebastian curl in against him. 

What feels like seconds later Kurt’s alarm is going off again and he groans softly as he extracts himself from Sebastian's grip. He gets ready for work as quietly as he can and before he leaves he walks over to the bed and shakes Sebastian awake.

“Hey, I have to leave. Do you need any money for the hotel?” Kurt asks. 

Sebastian waves a hand dismissively. “No, no, course not.” 

Kurt nods and turns to leave but Sebastian grabs him by the hand and pulls him back towards the bed. 

“Hey," he says as he sits up. Kurt bites back his negative retort, because he really does have to go,  as Sebastian maneuvers to his knees. He grabs Kurt by the strap of his bad and pulls him in close.  He leans in and presses his lips softly against Kurt’s. He pulls back just a little to smile at Kurt before cupping his face and kisses him again. It’s brief and sweet and has Kurt momentarily stunned as Sebastian pulls away with a whispered, “Have a good day, okay?”, before he lays back down and turns over to go back to sleep.

Kurt nods numbly, even though Sebastian can’t see him anymore and walks over to the front door, cutting the light as he passes it, and slips out. 

He thinks about that kiss all the way to work, as he boots up the computer he has to borrow from IT since his was left at home, through all of his meetings, when he runs out to get the proofs that Isabelle ordered, when he has to run back out to get the proofs that Isabelle ordered because he was too distracted to realized he’d grabbed the wrong ones the first time, and he’s still thinking about the kiss when Isabelle comes out of her office 2 hours before the end of his scheduled work day and puts a hand on his shoulder telling him he can take the rest of the day and the weekend to recover from his bug. He doesn’t even correct her, he just nods and mumbles an apology as he heads out. 

Kurt decides to skip a few subway stops on his way home, hoping some air will help give him some clarity to what’s been swimming around in his head all morning.

Because the thing is, they’ve kissed what feels like thousands of times by now. Their kisses have been heated, messy, gasping for air type kisses. All with promise of something more to come, something physical or sexual in the horizon. But this, this was just something  _ more _ .

Kurt still hasn’t figured it out by the time he slides open the door of his apartment. But he almost forgets about it when he walks inside of his apartment. He pauses in the doorway and looks around, with growing confusion, at the contents of his room all over the living room and kitchen. 

“What is going on?” He says to the room at large. 

There’s a muffled  _ ow _ and then a shuffle of feet across the floor before Sebastian pokes his head around the doorframe of their room looking confused. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” Kurt says. “Why is all my stuff out here.” 

Sebastian glances back into the room. “Can you like… leave?”

“What?” Kurt says, starting to get annoyed. “Sebastian, look whatever you’re doing, I’m not in the mood for it. I didn’t even have coffee today and I can’t --”

“Go do that,” Sebastian says quickly. “Go get coffee, it’ll calm your nerves or something.”

“What? No,” Kurt says and starts walking towards the mess. “Sebas--”

“Kurt stop!” Sebastian yells and then huffs out an annoyed sigh. “Look, I’m doing something in here to s--," he looks away then and Kurt can see the light flush of pink in his cheeks. “Look I promise nothing’s gonna happen to your precious old lady furniture.  Just give me an hour, okay?” 

“But--”

“Kurt I’m trying to surprise you, okay? Get the fuck out of here.” Sebastian snaps and then walks back inside of the room. 

Kurt should be pissed, because  _ rude _ , but that just adds to his confusion about this morning, and the night before, and he’s more than happy to silently walk back out of the apartment.

He goes to his favorite coffee shop that is admittedly out of the way now that he doesn’t go to NYADA on a regular basis. He considers trying to schedule something with the Alumni office, maybe get a few leads on open auditions, but he’s mind is nowhere near where it should be to consider work. 

He sits down in his usual seat with his favorite drink and he lets his mind wander.  He thinks about all the times he’s been here in this very spot, and thinks about how more times than not those memories include Sebastian. 

Sebastian lounged against the wall with a text book propped on his knee, or smiling into a cup of coffee as he listened to Kurt talk about his latest class drama, or Sebastian holding back tears when the tickets he left for his parents at one of his plays went unredeemed.  

He’s so lost in all things sebastian he doesn’t even notice someone sitting at his table until they reach out and touch his hand. 

Startled, Kurt jumps a little and spills a bit of his coffee.

“Shit let me get you napkins.” Kurt looks up to see Adam walking away to the coffee cart. 

When he walks back and hands him a few napkins Kurt tries to save face. “This is starting to be a trend for us.”

“What? Us seeing each other randomly or you spilling drinks?”Adam says back, smirking down at Kurt.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you but you didn’t hear me call your name. Can I sit? Or are you meeting someone?” 

“Oh yeah, no sure,” Kurt says and waves to the seat in front of him as he mops of the small spill. 

“So,” Adam says as he sits, hands around a small to-go cup of coffee. “ What are you doing in this neck of the woods. Didn’t you guys move?” 

“Yeah a couple of years ago,” Kurt says and shrugs. “It’s been a weird day and I needed to clear my head.” He looks around the cozy coffee shop. “This place used to do the trick.”

“Everything okay?” Adam asks. Kurt is suddenly filled with a mix of warmth and guilt towards him. He nods, and then thinks better of it and shakes his head. “Ah, Sebastian?”

Kurt looks up and Adam is looking at him all too knowingly. 

“Your ‘just friends’ roommate who exhibited some very ‘boyfriend’ like qualities the other night,” Adam says and then grins as he takes a sip from his cup. 

“I really don’t know what we are,” Kurt says, “I mean he’s not out, by any means. And I’m not even sure he’s gay? Maybe bi? God.”

Kurt buries his face into his hands, suddenly overwhelmed. “Listen to me," he feels a bubble of hysteria building in his chest and he takes a deep breath. “I feel like I’ve… what did you use to call it? Lost the plot?”

“Perhaps,” Adam says and shrugs. “ Are you in love with him?”

“Of course I don--”Kurt paused, because that’s not true. Yes he cares about Sebastian. And he loves him in a similar way he loves all of his friends… right? He thinks about how he felt when he “loved” Blaine, his only real frame of reference for romantic love, and he tries to compare the feelings he had for him versus what he feels for Sebastian. 

With Blaine it was all new and exciting, and full of challenges and experiences that they got to do together that made them so close and so connected and in love. With Sebastian, they too have been through their share of hard times, arguably more so than he and Blaine, and it’s made them stronger. He thinks about the downfall of their relationship, about his jealousy of Blaine’s ease in which he came to dominate the glee club, and of Blaine’s jealousy of Kurt living his life in NYC without him, and how none of that’s happened so far with Sebastian. In contrast, Kurt’s more than thrilled for Sebastian.

“Shit,” Kurt says. He looks up at Adam who’s smiling calmly at him. “I can’t be?”

“Why not?” Adam asks, frowning a little bit.

“Because… because,” Kurt tries. “He’s an asshole. And Republican.”

Adam laughs. “Is that the best you’ve got, Kurt?” 

“He stubborn, and a little obnoxious sometimes, and he really does tell the worst punchlines ever. He doesn’t like sushi, or ice cream. He’s mean for no reason, well not really no reason. Most of the time he’s hiding something and sarcasm is his first line of defense. But it’s really annoying sometimes. Sometimes he shouts out random words while I’m practicing to throw me off while I’m rehearsing because he thinks it’s funny. But sometimes I don’t mind because when he smiles at something really funny his eyes crinkle up.” Kurt says in what feels like one breath. He takes a deep inhale in and sighs. “God, I  _ am _ in love with him.”

Adam nods. “Now what are you going to do about that?”

Kurt has no idea at all.

*

Kurt ends up spending a few hours at the coffee shop. Long after Adam leaves with an excuse of a date night with Elliott, Kurt hangs back and thinks. He tries to think back to when the exact point was that he fell in love with Sebastian Goddamn Smythe and why exactly he’s intent of sabotaging his own love life. Because in no world does he see this working out. 

*

Kurt get’s back to the apartment on autopilot. It’s not until he’s walking up the flight of stairs to his apartment building does he see the string of text messages from Sebastian.

_ Sebastian: Okay. Come back. _

_ Sebastian: Sorry I snapped at you earlier. But you came home early and i had just stubbed my toe. So kinda your fault. _

_ Sebastian: That was a joke. _

_ Sebastian: Do you want to order takeout? I can probably Postmates something.  _

_ Sebastian: Rachel is trying to set the kitchen on fire again so maybe we should.  _

_ Sebastian: Are you on your way back? I’m getting worried.  _

When Kurt slides open the door there is indeed the lingering smell of something burnt wafting in the air. The first thing he notices is that all of his stuff is thankfully not out in the hallway anymore, When he walks past the kitchen he finds Rachel, Jesse, Santana and to his surprise Dani are sitting around the table with glasses of wine and a large box of pizza. 

“Kurt!” Rachel says excitedly and waves him over. “Come eat pizza with us. Santana got this really good one. And it’s gluten free!” She adds in a sing song voice. Santana mouths behind her back  _ No it’s not. _ Kurt huffs out a small laugh and looks over his shoulder to his room.

“I’m not really hungry. Is Sebastian here?”

“What? You two didn’t get enough of each other over the last two days?” Santana asks. Kurt rolls his eyes but the rest of them are staring at her pointedly. “Oh I’m sorry. Are we supposed to pretend we don’t know they’re screwing?”

“Santana!” Rachel says. 

“Whatever. Look if we didn’t  _ know _ before,” She says with the know in finger quotes. “It was pretty obvious on Wednesday when he came and got you.”

“Yeah, and he didn’t really deny Elliott’s boyfriend assumption either,” Dani adds before biting into a slice of pizza.

“See,” Santana says and puts her arms around Dani’s neck. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

“Anyway,” Jesse says loudly, clearly over the direction this conversation has taken. “Yeah he’s been locked in the room since we’ve all been here.”

Kurt nods and turns to walk away. When he gets to the door he hesitates, not sure if he should just walk in. He knocks on the door, which makes him feel stupid because it’s his own room, but he wants to be sure. 

“Sebastian?” 

“Yeah,” comes the muffled reply a few seconds later and Kurt turns the doorknob and pushes the door open.

He freezes, jaw dropping as he looked around his newly organized room. For the most part all the furniture is the same just moved around to accommodate one larger bed in the center of the room versus the two twin beds that were initially off to either side.

“What did you do?” Kurt says awestruck, and then hurries to step in and close the door when he hears the chairs from the kitchen scrape against the floor hurriedly. 

“I pushed our beds together and got a mattress pad to go on top,” Sebastian said lounging casually on the edge of the bed. He shrugs. “I didn’t really see the point in keeping them separate anymore.”

Kurt can tell that there's a stiffness to his demeanor that lets him know this isn’t as casual as he’s making it seem. 

“Sebastian,” Kurt starts. 

“It’s no big deal," he says and looks away. Kurt takes in the new layout of the room and notices that there are a bunch of discarded --

“Are those rose petals?” Kurt asks, pointing to the trashcan. He looks at Sebastian in time to see him blush and he can’t help the small bubble of laughter that escapes him. Sebastian looks at him in frowns.

“It was stupid, I know," he says and crosses his arms, looking annoyed. Which for some reason only makes Kurt laugh harder until he’s bent over in half laughing hysterically with tears in his eyes that he isn’t sure is purely a result of laughing too hard. 

“What is your problem?” Sebastian says loudly enough to be heard over Kurt’s laughing. 

“You!” Kurt yells, laughter slowly dying out to a frantic hitching breath. “You are! Because what the  _ hell _ are we doing?” Kurt says.

“What are you talking about? I just moved the beds together. If you don’t like it I ca--”

“I’m not talking about the beds,” Kurt says and then pauses. “ Well I guess I am. Because this.” He says pointing to the bed and then to the rose petals in the trashcan. “And that. And the hotel rooms and the goodbye kisses. It’s not just  _ stuff we do _ .” Kurt yells. 

Sebastian’s face hardens. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I can’t do this anymore!” Kurt says and turns around to hide the tears that are starting to fall from his eyes. “Sebastian, I can’t keep doing this if it’s all just going to end.”

“What?” Sebastian says.

When Kurt turns back around Sebastian is getting off the bed and walking towards him. “What do you mean if it’s just all going to end.” 

“You said it yourself you don’t know what this is,” Kurt says. “And I know you normally like to keep things simple, but I’m gonna be honest here I can’t do that anymore.” 

“Kurt, when was the last time you saw me with anyone else?”

“Well. Kara...”

“I haven’t been with Kara in like 9 months or something.”

“You went to her after you kissed me,” Kurt says. “You slept with her didn’t you?”

Sebastian rubs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath before he talks. “Okay yes, I was freaked out and had a moment of panic.”

“Panic. Great,” Kurt repeats, a bit of hysteria seeping back into his voice. “And what about the red head from the party.”

“Jesus, also months ago,” Sebastian says. “Kurt she was just someone fun to flirt with. You’re the one I was with at the end of the night.”

“Right,” Kurt says and throws his bag on the floor as he walks around Sebastian. “So I get to be your plaything that you come to at the end of the night.”

“Kurt, no.” Sebastian says, voice a little pleading. “Of course not.”

“Then what is this Sebastian!” Kurt says voice rising and then breaks as he says. “Because I’m in love with you and I need to put an end to this if it’s not--”

“I love you too,” Sebastian says, voice soft. Kurt’s surprised he even hears him say it. Maybe he didn’t.

“What?”

Sebastian walks towards him and cups his face. “I’m in love with you too.”

“What?” Kurt says again, but instead of replying Sebastian just kisses him. It’s just a hard press of lips against his own, but he feels it down to his toes. When he pulls back, Sebastian is looking at him like he wants to hold on to him for dear life. 

“But how?” Kurt says. “Why?”

Sebastian laughs softly and leans and kisses his nose. “How much time do you have?”

Kurt huffs out a laugh, still on the right side of hysterical and lets himself be pulled into a tight hug. They stand like that for a long time before Sebastian pulls away and guides them to sit down on the bed.  He takes Kurt’s hand in his and squeezes it tightly.

“I’m not ready to," he shrugs. “I don’t know … march in Pride. And my parents,” Sebastian looks up away from Kurt then and pauses to take a deep breath. 

“My parents are difficult. I need some time before,” Sebastian looks up again and smiles a little sadly. “I’m sorry.”

Kurt nods shortly and Sebastian continues. “But I want to be with you, Kurt. I swear you’re more to me than...than I can even say. I wasn’t ready to define it months ago, but I know now that I’m insane about you.”

Sebastian looks away, and Kurt’s in awe by the rare show of shyness. 

“I think about you all the time you know,”  Sebastian says, looking back up at Kurt. “ I spend like... most of my time thinking of all the ways to make you smile. Reddit told me that means I’m in love.”

Kurt laughs again and Sebastian continues. “And you’ve been there for me, for almost as long as I’ve known you. My biggest fan and my best friend. Now my boyfriend.” He breaks out to a brilliant, eye crinkling smile that makes Kurt feel a little dizzy .”If you’ll have me.”

Kurt nods and let’s Sebastian pull him in for another kiss. 

“Did he say yes?” Comes Rachel’s muffled voice from the other side of the door. Followed by a quick “Ow! Santana that hurt!”

“Shut up!” Santana hisses. 

“I hate to break it to you,” Jesse says, his voice getting louder as he comes closer to the door. “But they can probably hear you.”

“Yep,” Sebastian says and lays down on the bed with a heavy sigh. 

“Well in that case,” Santana says and opens the door. “No need to crowd behind this damn door anym…”

She trails off and looks around the room, eyes wide.

“Oh my god,” Rachel says and stalks inside after her, staring around the room in wonder too. Then her face turns sour. “I knew they had the bigger room!”

“Oh my god. Please get out,” Kurt says and stands to shoo them back outside. He closes the door on the rest of their comments and locks it.  He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as he leans against the door trying to ignore the barrage of comments from the other side. 

He opens his eyes when he hears music starting to play from the speaker now in the corner of the room. He smiles and looks over his shoulder as Sebastian walks away from it and over to him. Kurt can’t help but smile and lean into Sebastian’s touch as he wraps his arms around his waist.  He turns in Sebastian’s hold and wraps his arms around his neck. He kisses up his jaw to Sebastian’s lips and whispers against his mouth. “Boyfriend,”  before smiling again.

  
Sebastian smiles back and pulls away but lets his hands linger at Kurt’s hip as he pulls him towards the bed. Kurt lets him lead him down onto the newly formed bed, and then lets him kiss him breathless. He opens up his heart and soul and body for him and gives himself over to him for the first time without a twinge of regret. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I did it ... sort of. I hope you guys enjoyed this. This is the start of a much larger Hollywood AU that I had planned, but didn't get finished in time. So If you enjoyed this, make sure you subscribe for part 2! Thanks again to my beta, artist, and the gang over at KHBB for making this all happen.


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